Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon NCAA Championship: are you kidding me?. More like the best 'slapstick' comedy ever!
←Rate | 04-04-2011 23:30 by Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon Made a list of all the things I still want to do while I'm alive. I put "listen to a Justin Bieber cd" straight after "Suicide". Cant wait...
←Rate | 04-04-2011 23:30 by Shaun Comments (0)  


   messageicon The world is gonna throw us a million reasons why this won't work out between us, but I'm armed with the one reason why it will.
←Rate | 04-04-2011 23:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon You know that chemical that gets released in our bodies after sex that makes us think we like someone, hey science can you get rid of that?
←Rate | 04-04-2011 23:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today I caught myself smiling... I was thinking of you... Don't flatter yourself though, it was because you had a booger in your nose the last time I saw you.
←Rate | 04-04-2011 23:01 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I couldn't stand to see you hurt. I would have to sit down, then I could really enjoy the show.
←Rate | 04-04-2011 23:00 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's funny how the people who know the least about you, always have the most to say.
←Rate | 04-04-2011 22:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just ate the chocolate off of 6 peanut butter eggs and now I have a pile of peanut butter... Yeah boyee!!!!!!!!
←Rate | 04-04-2011 22:49 by jgmitts Comments (0)  


   messageicon There no need to miss someone from your past, there's a reason why they didn't make it to your future. 
←Rate | 04-04-2011 22:27 by Surge Yarmolyuk Comments (0)  


   messageicon The length of a minute depends on which side of the bathroom door you're on.
←Rate | 04-04-2011 22:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon 1 Universe, 8 Planets, 7 Continents, 809 Islands, 204 Countries, and I had the privilege of meeting you.
←Rate | 04-04-2011 21:51 by Surge Yarmolyuk Comments (0)  


   messageicon You give me the kind of feeling people write novels about.
←Rate | 04-04-2011 21:48 by Surge Yarmolyuk Comments (0)  


   messageicon Walk into kitchen for orange juice; walk out with sandwich, crackers, chocolate milk, and the TV remote you lost 30 minutes ago
←Rate | 04-04-2011 21:47 by ptv Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dance like no one's going to put it on YouTube.
←Rate | 04-04-2011 20:50 by Surge Yarmolyuk Comments (0)  


   messageicon I believe that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free
←Rate | 04-04-2011 20:48 by Surge Yarmolyuk Comments (0)  


   messageicon The word OK looks like a sideways person. I've said OK my whole life and never noticed him.
←Rate | 04-04-2011 20:44 by Surge yarmolyuk Comments (0)  


   messageicon That awkward moment when you chilling in a park and Bruno Mars walks by dragging the piano ;)
←Rate | 04-04-2011 20:41 by Surge yarmolyuk Comments (0)  


   messageicon I fight evil wherever it may be….except in dark, scary places.
←Rate | 04-04-2011 18:46 by Danny Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes.
←Rate | 04-04-2011 18:45 by Danny Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cops never say "thanks for speeding and keeping us employed". It's just plain selfish.
←Rate | 04-04-2011 18:36 by ANGE Comments (0)  




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