Funny Status Messages Search

X I can tolerate having a "kick me" note put on my back, but a "wash me" note really cuts to the core.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-15-2011 15:37 by Aaron Comments (0)

X You actually are not the stupidest person on the planet. But if he were to die...

<--Rate | Submitted: 10-19-2011 19:47 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can't tell anyone about.

<--Rate | Submitted: 07-24-2012 23:22 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Dear IRS: Please cancel my subscription.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-19-2010 09:31 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I'm torn between having 'wish you were here' or 'look behind you' engraved on my headstone.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-16-2012 18:01 by Aaron Comments (0)

X This dishwasher sucks. It's already ruined three of my paper plates.

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-25-2012 15:49 by Aaron Comments (0)

X In class: 2+2=4 Homework: 2+4+2=8 Exam: John had 4 apples. He eats one and gives one to a friend. Calculate the Sun's mass.

<--Rate | Submitted: 01-19-2012 20:00 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Why is the media so negative? Instead of "Polar Bear Kills Alaskan Teen", why not "Alaskan Teen Feeds Starving Polar Bear"?

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-07-2011 19:03 by Aaron Comments (0)

X My new favorite thing to do is slip a kid $20 while his parents aren't looking and quietly whisper: "This is from your real father."

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-26-2011 18:44 by Aaron Comments (0)

X One of the cooler things you can do when you die is be buried with an elephant bone, just to confuse future archaeologists.

<--Rate | Submitted: 12-04-2010 09:00 by Aaron Comments (0)

X says a drunk was hauled into court.”Mister,” the judge began, you've been brought here for drinking.” “Great,” the drunk exclaimed. “When do we get started?”

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-22-2010 12:41 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Only a few of us have that special talent to trip UP the stairs.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-10-2010 12:25 by Aaron Comments (0)

X If I ever saw someone do some of the things I do, I'd be horrified.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-19-2011 13:58 by Aaron Comments (0)

X If I ever get arrested, my one phone call will be to the police station to do a bomb scare. I'm not spending the night there.

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-29-2011 20:14 by Aaron Comments (0)

X This damn Mcdonald's never has a fully stocked condiment counter. This is the last straw!

<--Rate | Submitted: 08-21-2011 13:08 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Opposites attract, that's the trouble with being awesome

<--Rate | Submitted: 09-13-2012 21:37 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I can't stand people who look down on people who look down on people.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-24-2010 14:14 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I hope the new Superman movie is just two hours of Clark Kent frantically searching for a phone booth.

<--Rate | Submitted: 02-13-2012 19:27 by Aaron Comments (0)

X Told the 7-11 clerk if I win on this lotto scratcher, I'd share. Now here I stand, $2 richer, trying to explain to him I lied.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-20-2012 16:03 by Aaron Comments (0)

X I hate it when I'm digging my own grave at gunpoint and I discover buried treasure.

<--Rate | Submitted: 12-08-2011 19:15 by Aaron Comments (0)