Eddy Funny Status Messages

   if prison is "behind bars" , why don't people cal l the warden the "bar tender" ?

   what do you call it when a mom orders combo #5? ...mombo number 5 (now you're singing it)

   if the "space force" ever drops a dirty bomb on Uranus, they better call it "operation taco bell"

   this new "space force" we're going to have....will basic training include making the kessel run in less than 12 parsecs

   Everyone is talking about the royal wedding but life isn't a game of thrones

   remember moms, if you smell burnt toast you're not having a stroke...its the kids trying to make breakfast

   giving the recent plane accident, I bet now Mitt Romney realizes why the plane windows stay closed

   a married man has 2 options in an argument...he can be right or he can be happy

   "don't put all your eggs in one basket" .....good thing we use store bags

   I put the Nicoderm patch on my exhaust pipe & it still smokes. I don't think those work as good as they claim

   pi day & hump day....it must be "Jason Biggs day"

   if the brown delivery truck is UPS,why doesnt FEDEX change their name to DOWNS since they are their opposing company?

   I bet now Martin Shkreli wish he had that anti-parasite medicine

   I don't like WcDonald's....I prefer Mendy's

   if I pay Netflix each month & choose to watch Star Trek, am I paying a DATA plan?

   I see house flies in the house...horse flies near horses...so why do I never see dragon flies on episodes of Game of Thrones?

   idk why the amazon CEO doesn't cal l himself the "Amazon Prime Minister"

   In honor of the super bowl, whenever I go to poop today, i'll refer to it as "taking the browns to the super bowl"

   when idiots do the "Tide pod challenge" & a friend records it, are they POD casting?

   those people in the office with the rolling cart full of everyone's mail....they really push the envelope