Michael Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon And with the 6th pick in the 2013 NFL draft, the Cleveland Browns select Robert Denton ESQ, Defense attorney, Harvard.
←Rate | 04-26-2013 08:03 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon What people think of your problems: 80% don't care, 20% are glad you have them.
←Rate | 04-25-2013 07:50 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Terrorists: 3 Industrial Accident: 15... sorry terrorists, but you lost this round.
←Rate | 04-18-2013 13:23 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Post a cute picture of you kid, 3 likes. Post a picture of your new boat, 53 likes. Conclusion: Nobody gives a crap about your kids but your mom and your sister.
←Rate | 04-16-2013 04:15 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon It is spelled, "you're" an idiot....idiot.
←Rate | 03-21-2013 15:40 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watching the women's MAC championship. I'm just going to assume that the bulge in the front of their shorts is just a balled up tube sock.
←Rate | 03-15-2013 13:14 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon In-laws are watching the kids tonight. Can't wait to put a load in the dishwasher.
←Rate | 03-09-2013 09:36 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always feel so bad for homeless people. So when I see one, I always stop and show them a really big "frowny face". That way they don't realize how much fun I'm having with all my money and stuff.
←Rate | 03-08-2013 15:08 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon My boss just informed me that a birthday is not a legitimate excuse to start drinking at 8am.
←Rate | 02-28-2013 09:06 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Forget healthcare, welfare, and gun control.... if you want to get to the root of this countries problems, look no further than the people who use hashtags on Facebook.
←Rate | 02-27-2013 13:41 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Birthday 21st Amendment
←Rate | 02-20-2013 11:47 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why are all the women in my office walking funny today?
←Rate | 02-15-2013 07:45 by Michael Comments (1)  


   messageicon Happy Thursday to all my married friends.
←Rate | 02-14-2013 08:21 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Victoria's Secret engineers. Bubble wrap panties..... make it happen.
←Rate | 12-28-2012 16:53 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon ‎"Nothing tastes as good as how being fit feels", said the person who never had my grandmother's Manicotti.
←Rate | 10-29-2012 15:05 by michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Destroying my chances at getting elected to public office on Facebook post at a time.
←Rate | 10-24-2012 01:33 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not certain, exactly, when I became "old". But, I've narrowed it down to sometime between 1988 and last night, when I noticed Song Pop classify "Guns 'n Roses" as "Classic Rock"
←Rate | 08-22-2012 00:47 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Gee. Lets ask an openly christian man who owns a chain of restaurants that are closed on Sunday what his beliefs on gay marriage are, then act surprised when we find out his beliefs.... Idiots.
←Rate | 07-27-2012 22:42 by Michael Comments (1)  


   messageicon Fox News: A channel solely dedicated to political humor by taking everything that is right with the world, twisting it so it's so wrong that it's funny, then claiming that it's news. The only bad thing about this channel is its lack of a laugh track.
←Rate | 12-12-2011 23:42 by Michael Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some things should not be abbreviated like Save The Dates (STD) or Future Mother in Law (FML)
←Rate | 05-25-2011 11:33 by Michael Comments (0)  




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