JAKE Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Men at 20 play football, at 40 tennis, at 60 golf. Notice as they get older their balls get smaller.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 23:15 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're going to open a strip club. Don't name it the G spot. Because men will never be able to find it.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 22:50 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If your butt cheeks were horizonal you would applaud every time you ran up the stairs.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 22:46 by Jake Comments (4)  


   messageicon Switching off my mother inlaw's life support machine was very difficult. I had to fight off a doctor, a nurse and two security guards. Beeeeeeeep
←Rate | 03-23-2018 22:33 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I first met my wife she had a little heart tattoo between her breasts. Now it's her belly button.
←Rate | 03-23-2018 21:56 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A university's study of the human brain said the only difference between a wowan's brain and a man's brain is that the woman's brain is located in their head.
←Rate | 03-22-2018 23:01 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Since Easter sunday is also April fool's day as a April fool's prank. Besides dyeing raw eggs (That I mention in an earlies status) I also willbe substituting the candy choclate balls with chocolate covered brussel sprouts.
←Rate | 03-22-2018 22:27 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon With all the misspelled words trump has tweeted. I hope he never tweets "Preparing to launch." In stead of "lunch"
←Rate | 03-22-2018 20:19 by Jake Comments (3)  


   messageicon With all the white house leaks, they should lay in a supply of depends.
←Rate | 03-22-2018 19:49 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife could not deside who to marry me or another guy who proposed to her. So she tossed a coin. I lost.
←Rate | 03-21-2018 21:00 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon After 10 years of marriage my wife finally made me happy in the bedroom. She put in a 42'' tv a min fridge full of beer and she sleeps in the spare bedroom.
←Rate | 03-21-2018 19:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My love life is terrible. The last woman I was inside of was the statue of liberty.
←Rate | 03-21-2018 19:21 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife is so bad at housekeeping, that our dog buries his bones in our carpet.
←Rate | 03-20-2018 02:19 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon How many people with ADHD does it take to change...... ooh butterfly
←Rate | 03-19-2018 15:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Breast reduction is just another way a woman has to get something off her chest.
←Rate | 03-19-2018 13:44 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Embarrassment: Is when your 6 year old corrects your spelling when you're spelling out a cuss word.
←Rate | 03-18-2018 20:42 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My brother has stop talking to his wife after she refused to join the mile high club with him. If I know her she doesn't give a flying fu*k.
←Rate | 03-18-2018 00:32 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I start wearing an earring when my wife found it in our bed.
←Rate | 03-18-2018 00:12 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm in my 60's and a three time a night man. So I need to cut back on the liquids I drink before going to bed.
←Rate | 03-18-2018 00:04 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife was going wild in the sack last night. I eventually had to get up and let her out of it.
←Rate | 03-17-2018 23:41 by Jake Comments (0)  


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