totalpackage Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon It really sucked having to waddle across the room to get a fresh roll of toilet paper with my pants around my ankles......and I don't think the shoppers at Target were very happy about it either!
←Rate | 12-23-2011 00:58 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I look forward everyday to extending my streak of never watching a single minute of "The View"!
←Rate | 12-28-2011 00:53 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon found out the reason for our mild Winter....Someone removed the duct tape from Al Gores "pie hole!"
←Rate | 02-06-2012 20:25 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congrats to Jack In The Box on their new bacon malt beverage...I'm guessing that one milkshake that WON'T bring "boys to the yard".
←Rate | 02-07-2012 00:47 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's so cold tonight I saw a Rabbi wearing a flannel Yarmulke!
←Rate | 02-12-2012 03:21 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I noticed a lot of celebrities seem to drown in the bathtub...Perhaps a business that tattoos "industrial grade" sand strips to their asses is in order. I'm looking for investors! ツ
←Rate | 02-15-2012 19:18 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon can't remember the last time I saw a commercial that didn't have to do with auto insurance, cars, beer, or b-o-n-e-r meds...
←Rate | 02-19-2012 03:26 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon In celebration of "Fat Tuesday", I only plan to party on days that start with "T" from now on......Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday and Thunday! ツ
←Rate | 02-21-2012 14:22 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I gave up "Olympic Synchronized Swimming" for lent....This is gonna be tough!
←Rate | 02-23-2012 09:29 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think A.D.D. must have been called P.A.K. when I was young because the only thing I can remember teachers yelling was "Pay Attention Kid!"
←Rate | 03-03-2012 11:59 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I call the cops on myself so the neighbors think I'm having a kick-ass party! ツ
←Rate | 03-09-2012 03:05 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm trying to be healthy and grow my own food but I can't find any Twinkie seeds. :/
←Rate | 03-13-2012 19:21 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to the nice weather, local kids are setting up a lemonade stand on St. Paddy's Day....Jeez, haven't they even heard of green beer?!
←Rate | 03-16-2012 01:58 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon After reading about Alicia Silverstone, I have some new things to be thankful for...Dear Mom, thank you for not naming me "Bear Blu" and especially for not feeding me pre-chewed, discarded food straight from your mouth!
←Rate | 03-29-2012 16:18 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn, it's muggy out there.....I'm sweatin' worse than John Travolta's massage therapist! ツ
←Rate | 05-16-2012 13:24 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Am I the only one who gets creeped out at all the solar lights flashing in cemetaries these days?...To me it looks like thousands of corpses are holding up their cigarette lighters waiting for the last song at a Grateful Dead concert to be played.
←Rate | 06-03-2012 01:39 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think these bath salts turned me into Hannibal Lector...I just ate a Jehovah's Witness with a side of fava beans! ツ
←Rate | 06-07-2012 22:25 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon The bad news: Tom Cruise is playing an 80's rockstar at nearly 50, Yikes!!!...The worse news: The only women old enough to play his groupies are Betty White & Barbara Walters! ツ
←Rate | 06-14-2012 16:28 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon R.I.P. Rodney King...I'm not quite sure, but getting drunk and smoking "hippy lettuce" in the pool seems to be about as good of an idea as hiring Robert Wagner to be your swim coach...just sayin!
←Rate | 06-17-2012 15:19 by totalpackage Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bye bye "San-butt-sky"!!! 422 years won't be so bad...With good bahavior you'll be out in 200 or so...So long dirtbag!!!
←Rate | 06-22-2012 23:29 by totalpackage Comments (0)  




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