eaglet1122 Funny Status Messages

   Asked my teacher if I was interrupting. She said, "No, I'm just grading some cheese!!"

   My friend said to quit hitting him. I told him those were fighting words!

   Serving Size: Serves six adults or one ten year old.

   I hear teaching Geography is where it is at these days!

   OR you could go for the gay approach...."One man's junk is another man's treasure"

   Last women I hooked up with at the retirement home told me, "If you break it you buy it"! You know what that hip replacement cost me

   You would think that the 4 page instructions/warnning packet for Adderall, would include narritive pictures.

   All dyslexics rejoice! For today is your day! 11/11/11 yppaH

   I must assume that my cell phone is pro-choice based off the number of calls it has aborted!

   Santa is the original Voyager!

   ‎20-30 years from now, one of the hardest things our kids will be faced with is finding a screen name which is not already taken!

   Claiming my heart back, wrapping it up in aluminum foil and putting it back in the freezer. You dig?

   I remember the first habit I picked up. The other nuns just stared in horror!

   My wife is taking my kids to go see the nut cracker this weekend. Of course I'm talking about my mother in law not the show.

   ‎"My fingers smell like cheeseburger" is a statement that is bound to confuse others unless prefaced with a statement about having just eaten a cheeseburger. Otherwise, they just look at you like you're dirty.

   At the rate I am coughing, I expect a "Six Pack" or an "Brain Aneurysm" buy the end of the week!

   My kids are lucky, their crossing guard dresses as Santa every year. When I was a kid my crossing guard looked like Carla from Cheers.

   The kids are nestled all snug in their bed, while Stanley's wifes on her knees giving him.. a foot massage!!

   My family is from so far out in the country that my mammy doesn't know she is free. No one will tell her b/c her cornbread off the hook.

   When they say all expenses paid, does that include bail?