Unknown comic Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon What if every opossum you saw on the side of the road was faking it?
←Rate | 11-16-2016 04:59 by Unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Amazon thinks my recent humidifier purchase was merely the inaugural move in a newfound hobby of humidifier collecting.
←Rate | 12-03-2016 05:11 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fun Christmas prank: give your mom a new iPhone then refuse to help her set it up
←Rate | 12-24-2016 10:36 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't even like typing this, but can we all agree that the spelling of "diarrhea" is nearly as gross as the symptom?
←Rate | 03-10-2017 06:59 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I read an inspirational tweet, I'm genuinely saddened when I get to the end and there's no punchline.
←Rate | 03-10-2017 07:06 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I often confuse reptiles and amphibians. Actually, if I'm being brutally honest, they pretty much never know what I'm talking about
←Rate | 03-12-2017 07:15 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Science: About 71% of the Earth's surface is covered by water Parents: The rest is covered by Pokémon cards, Legos, and something sticky
←Rate | 03-18-2017 06:19 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.
←Rate | 03-31-2017 04:16 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Opening a restaurant calling it: New Pho, Who Dish?
←Rate | 05-23-2017 05:53 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Much as I like Guardians of the Galaxy, in real life, I don't think it's a good idea to give a gun to a raccoon.
←Rate | 05-29-2017 07:24 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
←Rate | 06-05-2017 16:18 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I love ruining the plot of Dorian Gray for people. Never gets old.
←Rate | 07-06-2017 08:02 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon 'Flashdance' gave me unrealistic expectations about how hot welders would be
←Rate | 07-16-2017 20:17 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon It took my decades to sleep soundly knowing that rhythm will not in fact get me, tonight or any night
←Rate | 07-17-2017 08:23 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


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