SuthernFukr Funny Status Messages

   They should make Harry Potter brand condoms Protect your slytherin from hogwarts while you're in her chamber of secrets.

   Sometimes you have to tell yourself "This the worst idea ever!" and then do it anyways.

   You think you're pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone else's shower.

   They say you're only as old as you feel, so I must be kinda-drunk-and-a-little-hungry years old.

   Drinks at the bar should be served in capri sun-like pouches, and if you can't get the straw in then they cut you off.

   My attention has no span.

   I have yet to see a security guard I couldn't beat the sh!t out of.

   I wonder what it is that I did to get reincarnated as me.

   I'm sick of having to capitalize "I." Whoever made up that rule sucks!

   Turns out, "Cowboys & Aliens" is NOT about Arizona's immigration laws.

   I sleep naked so if there's some sort of emergency I immediately make it sexy.

   My favorite colors are Grey Goose & Red Bull.

   I try to get out of my car with my seatbelt still on far more than any person should,

   I understand the concept of cooking and cleaning. I also understand the concept of space flight. Doesnt mean I'm going to the moon anytime soon.

   I wonder if starving kids in Africa are comforted by the fact that people routinely use them as an excuse to over eat.

   Just because it"s called spandex..doesn't mean it should be put to the "how far can it expand" test.

   There are two types of people in the world: those who know how to handle stress and those who need bail money.

   "The guy you dreamed of isn't available, so they sent me instead." What all dudes should say on a first date.

   I'm going to install a horn for the back of my car for retaliatory, defensive honks.

   Sex for Hugh Hefner at his age must be like shooting pool with a rope.