MBH Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I'm willing to bet the first medicine man was really just a lazy fat ass who figured out a way to get out of hunting or gathering.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 07:02 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon When people ask me to keep them in my prayers, I say sure. I should probably clarify though that most of my prayers are about nachos. So if you need a nacho-related prayer, I'm your guy.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 07:13 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two things I do at the ATM - deposit and withdraw. I don't even check my balance, because it's on the receipt. So, for the love of God, can someone please tell me what the douche in front of me has been doing for the past 10 minutes???
←Rate | 08-28-2010 07:25 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Interviewer asked Tiger Woods what happened in the tournament. "I'm having a hard time controlling my balls." You think?
←Rate | 08-29-2010 05:56 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Old: Never take candy from strangers. New: Never click links from strangers.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 06:03 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Be careful where you walk. You don't want to get cut on any broken dreams.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 06:05 by MBH Comments (3)  


   messageicon I don't think I could ever stab someone. I can barely get the straw in the Capri Sun.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 06:08 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon The world writes a lot of comedy... the trouble is, it's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
←Rate | 08-29-2010 07:48 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm an organ donor, but I'm pretty sure all they're going to use is my liver for "after" photos.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 04:44 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Good news: I finally got my computer connected to the wireless printer. Bad news: not sure which house I need to go to get my documents.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 05:07 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 05:13 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon What is with these married women and their excessively long names on Facebook? I wonder if Michelle Carrie Ann Thompson-Anderson realizes her last name is a f*cking run-on sentence. Trim that sh*t down, b*tch.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 06:13 by MBH Comments (1)  


   messageicon I'm thankful that baby teeth are the only things that kids lose while growing up. Imagine the trauma of a nose falling off. Or a leg. "Why's your daughter hopping around like that?" "Oh, she just lost her baby leg last night."
←Rate | 08-30-2010 06:18 by MBH Comments (6)  


   messageicon My ceiling fan has two settings... "On" and "S#it, that's dusty."
←Rate | 08-30-2010 06:21 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon You show me a giant stuffed hippopotamus at a Wal-Mart and I'd NEVER even consider buying it. But at the local county fair... I'll spend every last penny I have to be the bad ass walking to my car with it.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 06:27 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever people are speaking a different language in front of me, I automatically assume they're talking about me and give them a dirty look just to let them know I'm on to them.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 06:33 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have found that the best stress reliever in life is not giving a crap.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 14:35 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon A smile is like tight underwear... it makes your cheeks go up.
←Rate | 08-30-2010 14:46 by MBH Comments (1)  


   messageicon Who wants to do something we will regret in the morning? Anyone?
←Rate | 08-31-2010 09:03 by MBH Comments (0)  


   messageicon I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like P. Diddy but it wore of by the morning,
←Rate | 08-31-2010 09:05 by MBH Comments (0)  




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