flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon When at a meeting when the boss says "anyone have any suggestions?" Don't say "inappropriate touch Tuesday"...trust me
←Rate | 06-15-2011 17:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Car commercials make driving around in empty parking garages look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
←Rate | 09-04-2011 05:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Is that your dog?" "No, actually she's adopted... we were unable to conceive a dog naturally ourselves"
←Rate | 04-02-2015 05:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING NEWS: Harvard study reveals that's not what she said.
←Rate | 02-09-2013 06:53 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just told my dog "Don't walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don't.
←Rate | 02-15-2014 05:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I alternate between cautious optimism and reckless pessimism.
←Rate | 02-02-2012 04:45 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congress has an approval rating of 13% you should know Naked cannibals on Bath Salts are at 18%.
←Rate | 06-09-2012 00:59 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know what makes me mad? The fact that I know who Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian are.
←Rate | 06-09-2012 06:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon i'm really good at walking along, minding my own business and then having something happen
←Rate | 06-28-2012 07:08 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yes, you are entitled to your opinion. Why you insist on being wrong is beyond me, but go nuts with it.
←Rate | 05-23-2012 09:35 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter how bad your day seems, just remember that someone out there has to clean the bathroom at Taco Bell.
←Rate | 04-28-2012 06:26 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only rule when a Genie grants you a wish is that you cannot wish for more wishes. Think outside the Box and wish for more Genies. The moral is that, every situation has a loop hole
←Rate | 06-18-2011 05:54 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was gonna give change to a homeless guy today, but his sign said ONE DAY IT COULD BE YOU. So, I held onto it just in case he was right
←Rate | 09-29-2011 07:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "I know" - best response to someone telling you your fly is open
←Rate | 08-05-2011 23:17 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like dressing in a red polo shirt then going to Target & being rude to costumers
←Rate | 09-13-2011 06:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm pretty sure that just before I get to Walmart some mental institution drops off its patients to go shopping
←Rate | 04-25-2011 05:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I invented four new karate moves while trying to get an automatic paper towel dispenser to work
←Rate | 01-01-2012 04:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
←Rate | 06-29-2011 17:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's amazing how many people are allergic to gluten, peanuts, and facts.
←Rate | 12-30-2013 06:36 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had a time machine I'd show Albert Einstein the Internet and ruin everything.
←Rate | 04-27-2012 06:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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