eaglet1122 Funny Status Messages

   OR you could go for the gay approach...."One man's junk is another man's treasure"

   My friend said to quit hitting him. I told him those were fighting words!

   With soaring gas prices and my abnormally sized feet, I am thinking that I will be Yabba-dabba-dooing it to work this week!

   My neighbor is always talking about the paranormal. Wonder what she will have to say when she finds out I put Mentos in the bird feeder and Diet Coke in the bird bath.

   I feel like a dirty NASCAR driver removing the restrictor plate on my shower head!

   Just treated my nostrils to a Brazilian!!

   My son asked me why Piggly Wiggly sells bacon. He said, "Isn't that like them selling their soul?"

   Amazing how you can be first and everything and then last and nothing.....all with a blink of an eye..I hate video games!!

   Last women I hooked up with at the retirement home told me, "If you break it you buy it"! You know what that hip replacement cost me

   "Step one: Cut a hole in the box!"

   I have to stop eating rotisserie chicken. It is making me feel dizzy!

   I think it is funny as hell. Then again I love my own brand of comedy!!

   I make, picking up my dry cleaning, look like a drug deal. That way people always wonder what I am laundering!

   Wonder what events al-Qaeda will be participating in.

   So when I pump gas, has my truck pumped all the other vehicles that this nozzle has pumped?

   I am 100% certain that Band Camp enrollment went up by a third after the movie American Pie! Thanks Stiffler!!

   wonders if birds have a national MAYDAY sytem in place when they know their going to crash?!?!

   I used to be a class act......or clown,as my 7th grade teacher would tell my parents!!

   I gave my deaf friend an I-Pod for X-mas hoping he would re-gift it back to me.

   When are these Olympic nuts gonna get it? Hot chicks, in bikinis, jumping on trampolines. The perfect opening ceremony. It can be applied to half time shows too.