MWC Funny Status Messages

   The salesman claimed the shoes were made from alligator, but I knew it was a crock

   Are you butt dailing, cause I swear that a$$ is calling me

   Everyone loved Jack-in-the-box as kids. now I'm older I like mine in the bottle

   Today I am WONDER WOMAN ... I will wrap my head and wrists in foil, stuff my Bra, hike up my grannie panties, and I will wonder.

   When Billy Joel is singing "I Don't Want Clever Conversation I Want You Just The Way You Are". Is he replying that she's stupid?

   With all the seriousness going on in the world, its imperative I let you know that a sex addict can always beat his addiction

   I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"

   It's colder than a tin toilet seat on the shady side of an iceberg!

   One of the biggest lies ever told; The Doctor will be with you in a couple of Minutes.

   If there is water in a watermelon, then whats in a kumquat?

   Sunglasses: Allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It's like Facebook in real life.

   First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!

   How to make a woman go mmmmmmm all nite long? …………………….. with Duct Tape

   Clinton says "How high do you have to build a wall to keep out the internet?" She's nuts comparing the internet to illegal immigrants. God help us.

   Do you think the guy that invented the vibrator heard voices saying. "If you build it...they will come"?

   Love your neighbor. But don't get caught.

   The stripper was getting tired of the same old thong and dance.

   A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

   it normal that one of my balls is bigger then the other two?

   I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.