K-Mac Funny Status Messages

   The only time I wouldn't mind being buried alive is if were under a pile of money.

   Tomorrow's going to be great.....Discount candy.

   Got my right hand a Valentines Day card. Had to sign it with my left hand so it will be a surprise.

   The fun thing about Facebook is......none you know if I'm naked or not.

   Gotta love Facebook. I can update my status, post pictures and even chat with numerous people.....and nobody knows I'm not wearing any pants.

   It's all fun and games...unless there's cookies, then it's serious

   My daily workout?........ running late for work

   Had breakfast at Waffle House, as I was leaving the waitress said "Have a waffly day". Now I'm thinking great, a whole day of indecision.

   I tried that "Take a laxative to stop coughing, you'll be afraid to cough" remedy. It was going great....until I sneezed.

   I'm taking a First Aid training course with CPR this afternoon. Starting tomorrow you can address me as Doctor.

   My dog was licking his nuts. My friend said "I wish I could do that". I said "You better pet him first, he's kind of mean".

   I'm having doubts about that dehydrated water I bought for my plastic plants.

   Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

   Gas prices are so high...I saw a street gang doing a walk-by

   Guy asked girl "Does the carpet match the drapes?" she says, "Nope, hardwood floors"

   I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I(heart) Duck"...it tastes like chicken. I said "No it doesn't". Then I realized I was talking to a bumper sticker.

   I saw a sign that said "Falling Rocks"....I tried it.....it doesn't.

   Wow....turns out I'm NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.

   Cinco de Mayo. I don't see what the big deal is. The Mexicans were victorious over the French.........who can't beat the French

   Hugh Hefner is getting married again, to a 26 year old. If I were to marry someone that much younger than me, I'm 54, I would have to wait another six years for her to be born.