JAKE Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon After just winning a four month battle with my oven clock it's dayligit saving time and back to the battle.
←Rate | 03-10-2018 19:53 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Divorce: A legal document for married people to hate each other.
←Rate | 04-16-2018 02:36 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What is a person who goes off their diet called? A deserter
←Rate | 05-19-2018 15:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The real reason Trump has fired so many people is, he really likes eating their going away cake.
←Rate | 03-15-2018 01:34 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon While weighting my self on the bathroom scale I sucked in my gut. My wife laugh and said do you think that's help you weigh less ? I said no but it does help me to see how much I weigh.
←Rate | 01-24-2018 23:15 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife's cooking is so bad, we pray after the meal.
←Rate | 04-24-2018 18:51 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A university's study of the human brain said the only difference between a wowan's brain and a man's brain is that the woman's brain is located in their head.
←Rate | 03-22-2018 23:01 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Watched my cat play with a ball of yarn for 5 minutes. And thougt how easily their entertained. Then realized, I just watched my cat play with a ball of yarn for 5 minutes.
←Rate | 08-25-2017 15:13 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Conflicting emotions: Watching your mother in-law drive off a cliff in your brand new car.
←Rate | 10-03-2017 01:57 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Roses are red, violets are blue. I've got five fingers, and just one is for you.
←Rate | 03-05-2018 23:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon digesting the fact you've moved onto better things.. LOL JKS you're new boyfriend looks like a retard.
←Rate | 05-27-2011 01:49 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two girls riding their bikes on a cobble stone road. 1st girl: I never came this way before. 2nd girl: Me neither. It must be the cobble stones.
←Rate | 01-30-2018 03:57 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A man's home is his castle. Untill the queen comes home.
←Rate | 01-11-2018 20:43 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The government and a duck have something in common. They both can stick their bills up their (_|_) :)
←Rate | 02-16-2018 18:08 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon . Have you heard the saying the truth will set you free? I told the judge the truth and got three years.
←Rate | 08-25-2017 18:35 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon should not be mistaken for Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, just because there appears to be a large package in his pants.
←Rate | 12-30-2009 08:18 by jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. But smoking bacon will cure it.
←Rate | 04-30-2018 17:51 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're going to open a strip club. Don't name it the G spot. Because men will never be able to find it.
←Rate | 03-27-2018 22:50 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon The reason you get paid more at a sperm bank than a blood bank is because the sperm is hand made.
←Rate | 02-27-2018 18:33 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Woman claim that they are good at multitasking. If so why can't they have sex and a headache at the same time
←Rate | 03-10-2018 17:59 by Jake Comments (0)  


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