snotty Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon [wakes up from a 20 year coma]. Sweet,,, X-Files still goin strong
←Rate | 01-27-2016 18:57 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon PRO TIP: Make tomorrow's colonoscopy special by eating all of this glitter!
←Rate | 04-11-2015 16:04 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon A TV chef just explained, "it's the heat that starts the cooking process"... Hmmm,, Let me just write that down
←Rate | 09-04-2013 09:00 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I’m the world record holder for the most arguments won against a woman................................................. 1 to be exact
←Rate | 02-20-2013 18:49 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Show me on the doll where gas prices touched you.
←Rate | 05-19-2012 14:59 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
←Rate | 04-21-2012 08:57 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, YOU'LL FIND SOME WAY TO BLAME ME FOR THAT TOO, WON'T YOU, SUSAN?
←Rate | 04-16-2012 07:07 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
←Rate | 09-14-2014 18:01 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn't made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
←Rate | 06-05-2014 19:08 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I Just saw a tumbleweed roll past my last post
←Rate | 10-17-2012 20:05 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always take a number at the deli, and I've been keeping them.... Eventually I'll have all the numbers and it will always be my turn
←Rate | 05-24-2013 08:01 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon So sad that out of 200 countries in this world,, America ranks 35th in the world in math... But at least that keeps us still in the top 10%
←Rate | 06-12-2012 09:05 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I've dropped my phone.
←Rate | 04-11-2012 12:41 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really have no idea what a Kardashian is but,,,, From what I can gather, it's an exercise bike for basketball players.
←Rate | 09-28-2012 18:22 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon If anyone's interested,, I'll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 3 pm on, until I'm removed by security.
←Rate | 05-06-2012 18:59 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while whereas the other will see you later.
←Rate | 04-06-2015 19:06 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm old enough to remember when cell phones actually got smaller every year.
←Rate | 03-31-2014 07:18 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm ABSOLUTELY positive I'd accidentally kill myself within 3 minutes of owning a light saber.
←Rate | 09-06-2014 09:32 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon I, put commas, in, weird places, so that, you, read, my jokes, like William, Shatner.
←Rate | 09-20-2014 06:33 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Even if they sold ten-ply toilet paper, I would still fold it at least twice,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I have trust issues.
←Rate | 06-21-2013 18:10 by snotty Comments (0)  


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