Funny Status Messages Search

X And now I must perform the nightly ritual where I use "floss" to purify my gums of their excess blood

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-26-2012 21:00 by snotty Comments (0)

X Apparently,, re-enacting scenes from "Deadliest Catch" are frowned upon at Red Lobster.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-27-2012 07:09 by snotty Comments (0)

X Just overheard the guy in the next stall over whisper "get out of me" and then start to cry.... Lord, How I hate Turnpike rest stops.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-27-2012 07:48 by snotty Comments (0)

X Think of a number 1 through 10. Double it, Subtract 1, add 20, multiply it by 5, add 2, divide by 2, close your eyes, dark, isn't it?

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-27-2012 07:53 by snotty Comments (0)

X To be or not to be? What a silly question Hamlet... Just let it be,, let it be... J. Macartney

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-27-2012 09:18 by snotty Comments (1)

X I don't know alot about history,,, but I know Marco Polo was definitely the most annoying swimmer of all the famous explorers.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-27-2012 13:43 by snotty Comments (0)

X Wish me luck... I'm off to contest library fines, on the grounds that I'm an "exceedingly slow" reader.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-27-2012 17:10 by snotty Comments (0)

X Geeesh,,Nobody seems to care about all the times I DIDN'T drop the baby.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-28-2012 15:48 by snotty Comments (0)

X Remember children are our future...If we do not keep them plump and healthy, we will have nothing to eat during the apocalypse.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-28-2012 15:52 by snotty Comments (0)

X I don't know how this Nyquil is going to affect my status updates, but I don't know how this Nyquil is going to affect my status updates.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-28-2012 16:01 by snotty Comments (0)

X Updates are like performing live music. Often the audience goes wild for your mediocre solo but sleeps through one you think is brilliant.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-29-2012 12:30 by snotty Comments (0)

X I used to be addicted to soap,,,,,but I'm clean now

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-29-2012 19:50 by snotty Comments (0)

X If I give you a tour of my house, in every room I'll say, "This is where the magic happens!",,, and you'll feel super weird about it.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-30-2012 09:36 by snotty Comments (0)

X My neighbor is the CEO of a factory that makes annoying children

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-30-2012 11:23 by snotty Comments (0)

X Our Grandpa of a V!agra overdose,,, and to this day, we still regret not burying him just a few inches deeper...

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-30-2012 11:25 by snotty Comments (0)

X Our Grandpa died of a V!agra overdose,,, and to this day, we still regret not burying him just a few inches deeper...

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-30-2012 11:27 by snotty Comments (0)

X My favorite comedy writer is that guy that writes the assembly instructions for IKEA.......Subtle, Dark, Brilliant..

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-30-2012 12:39 by snotty Comments (0)

X My wifes poor ovaries.. They keep producing eggs, like those Japanese soldiers on a Pacific island who don't know the war is over.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-30-2012 12:48 by snotty Comments (0)

X I apologize sir, but we're all out of Mohicans.

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-30-2012 12:51 by snotty Comments (0)

X says I scream.. You scream.. We're all screaming... (This is awesome!!!)

<--Rate | Submitted: 03-30-2012 12:55 by snotty Comments (0)