joser Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Driving to work would be so much better if I didn't always end up at work.
←Rate | 06-23-2010 18:20 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't trust people who don't have middle names...
←Rate | 06-28-2010 21:20 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon You post one little joke saying you won the lottery and Facebook finds you 1,347 new possible relatives.
←Rate | 07-06-2010 17:25 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon It would be some much easier for me to be compassionate, if compassionate meant smacking people in the head.
←Rate | 05-03-2010 17:04 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Criticism is the best sign you're onto something.
←Rate | 05-10-2010 14:06 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think you misunderstood me. I said "go phuck yourself" with a PH. So, that makes it cool and not remotely offensive... Phucktard.
←Rate | 05-25-2010 18:20 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think my upstairs neighbors are shouting about who can stomp the loudest.
←Rate | 05-21-2010 17:45 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Disinfecting my kitchen right now with the glass of vodka and Red Bull that I just spilled all over the countertop.
←Rate | 05-25-2010 18:22 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one has ever complimented me on my mountain fresh scent. Either people are jerks or this body wash is bullsh*t.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 18:11 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Santa, Don't bother coming to my house this year. I've been naughty and it was f*cking worth it, you judgemental son of a b*tch!
←Rate | 12-02-2009 20:33 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies, I'd like to remind you that trying to play "hard to get" doesn't work when you're already "hard to want".
←Rate | 07-14-2010 21:32 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just read an article about the stock market, and there were three things in it that I didn't quite understand: Every, single, word.
←Rate | 05-06-2010 21:42 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Evidently that good Samaritan bullsh*t doesn't apply when you help an old lady cross the street on the hood of your car.
←Rate | 04-20-2010 23:46 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nobody gets treated worse than a fast food worker who gets an order wrong.
←Rate | 07-05-2010 13:36 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon My therapist said I let other people control my emotions to much. I don't think that's true at all, what do you think?
←Rate | 07-12-2010 18:47 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon These food stamps taste terrible...
←Rate | 07-01-2010 17:31 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon My gf says I never listen to her (or something like that)
←Rate | 04-24-2010 12:44 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Light switches that flip up for off should be banned
←Rate | 05-14-2010 18:59 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cyber sex is not as easy as it sounds. I should have picked a less crowded Starbucks.
←Rate | 05-18-2010 16:59 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon 69 is the Kamikaze of oral sex. "If I'm going down, you're coming with me!"
←Rate | 05-01-2010 14:30 by Joser Comments (0)  



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