jdpower Funny Status Messages

   I feel like "cheeseburger" works better as a noun than as an adjective.

   It confuses me when I see a cougar wearing a leopard print sweater.

   Given his pass completion percentage tonight, it's clear Favre just isn't handling balls like he used to.

   I just asked a guy at the Mac Store if the iPhone 5 will come with an app that makes AT&T not suck.

   I'm sick of Canadians sneaking across the border and stealing our hockey jobs.

   Italy seizes $30 million from the Vatican in probe. Nice to finally see the Catholic clergy on the receiving end of a probe.

   Snooki hates the nickname "Snooki" and wants to go back to using her real name, "Dwayne Johnson"

   I wonder if those friends in low places have heard from Garth Brooks recently.

   Lindsay Lohan's upcoming film could be derailed by her failed drug tests. That is, unless her acting gets to it first.

   BREAKING: Taco Bell to re-brand Itself as "64% Vegan"

   Maybe it's just me, but I think throwing rocks and feces at Tila Tequila officially renders you a member of the Sane Clown Posse.

   Dear Mr. Ice Cream man: Please change your song.. That sh!t was played out in the 80's

   If I joined Earth, Wind & Fire, I think the element I'd want to be is Surprise.

   In new tape, Bin Laden 'furious' that Brian Wilson has scarier beard.....

   You guys, hear, about these, rogue commas, going around?

   BREAKING NEWS: Entire Kardashian Family Diagnosed With "Attention Surplus Disorder".

   Here's to hoping next time Lady Gaga wears a dress made out of Justin Bieber.

   Roethlisberger has been suspended, which means that the NFL has a stricter policy on sex abuse than the Vatican

   I saw a guy today that had a bedazzled cell phone. I thought it was kinda gay..... but then thought he might have stolen the phone and he might be a thug. The whole thing confused me.

   If my blood alcohol was Butler's shooting percentage, I could legally drive.