jake Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Easter is April 1st this year which is also April fool's day. So to celecrate both days together, I will be dyeing raw eggs this year.
←Rate | 03-09-2018 00:46 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon How could he be the Lone Ranger if Tonto was always with him
←Rate | 05-03-2018 16:28 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy's.
←Rate | 08-05-2018 23:36 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dentist: I'm going to give you some helium gas. Me: Will that stop me from feeling any pain? Dentist: No...... But when you screem, it will be hilarious.
←Rate | 05-26-2018 14:26 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bummer is being sick on your day off.
←Rate | 06-18-2018 16:39 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before I die I'm going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
←Rate | 06-28-2018 22:30 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know your house is dirty when people wipe their feet when they are leaving.
←Rate | 07-06-2018 04:38 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wouldn't it be nice if you could adjust the brightness level of people like you can on your TV?
←Rate | 10-12-2017 23:56 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When the shovel was invented, it was a ground breaking experience.
←Rate | 01-06-2018 20:43 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Single men: To keep on enjoying your carefree life, never utter the words "I DO"
←Rate | 03-29-2018 01:16 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon My friend ask me why I was still single. I said I'm single by choice..... Unfortunately it's not by my choce
←Rate | 05-08-2018 16:09 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon What is a person who goes off their diet called? A deserter
←Rate | 05-19-2018 15:05 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon You know you're broke when American Express calls you and says: "Leave home without it"
←Rate | 04-09-2018 00:23 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just had a fight with my alarm clock. It wanted me to wake up, I disagreed. Things got violent. Now the alarm clock is broken and I'm wide awake. Not sure who won, though.
←Rate | 04-06-2010 13:30 by Jake Comments (3)  


   messageicon Never hire an elecetrician with fuzzy hair
←Rate | 04-19-2018 15:22 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn't cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
←Rate | 05-07-2018 22:55 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.
←Rate | 06-07-2018 03:21 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon I ask my wife why she never blinks her eyes during sex. She said I never had the time.
←Rate | 07-08-2018 21:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I was a kid I thought earwigs were bugs that came out of your ears. So you can imagine what I thought when I heard about co*kroaches
←Rate | 04-26-2018 23:38 by Jake Comments (1)  


   messageicon When I see "you are here" on a map makes me wonder how did they know I was going to be there.
←Rate | 05-10-2018 15:25 by Jake Comments (0)  


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