Unknown comic Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon if you hitchhike make sure to use your thumb correctly or people might think you're just congratulating them on their excellent driving
←Rate | 07-10-2016 06:33 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon FACT: A baby is basically just a meatloaf that can look around a bit
←Rate | 03-20-2016 20:37 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got a white noise machine. Not sure how listening to people talk about GoT and pumpkin spice will help me sleep
←Rate | 10-25-2016 05:37 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon just cracked open a book or as I like to call it "a beer"
←Rate | 03-13-2016 20:48 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please enjoy my TED Talk, "Turn Signals: They're How You Tell Other Drivers What the Heck You're Doing"
←Rate | 03-21-2016 11:58 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being sick & running out of tissues makes me think about all those times I was all willy-nilly with my tissues like some millionaire.
←Rate | 07-09-2016 21:55 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hit the hay. Kick the straw. Bodyslam the alfalfa.
←Rate | 10-03-2015 10:16 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're last name is Walker and you aren't a Texas ranger, I'll assume you have disgraced your family by choosing another profession.
←Rate | 10-27-2015 19:29 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think Eminem should become a dentist just so he can say "snap back to reality, oh there's a cavity."
←Rate | 07-21-2016 06:55 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never ever delete messages… just in case someone decides to start acting different like you weren’t saying that May 14, 2013 at 1:22 PM.
←Rate | 06-27-2015 17:10 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just in one of those “Curl up and watch 25 episodes of ‘Small Wonder’ ” kinda moods.
←Rate | 07-17-2015 07:38 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if every opossum you saw on the side of the road was faking it?
←Rate | 11-16-2016 04:59 by Unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm judge, jury, executioner, bailiff, public defender, prosecutor, and court stenographer. These budget cutbacks are brutal
←Rate | 06-18-2016 22:11 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Opening a restaurant calling it: New Pho, Who Dish?
←Rate | 05-23-2017 05:53 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


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