Doc Noland Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon I never did learn how to set the time on a VCR. These kids have no idea how good they have it.
←Rate | 10-14-2013 16:57 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Show me on this Elmo doll where the bad man touched you...
←Rate | 11-12-2012 18:04 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear suicidal insects on my windshield: Stop it, I can't see.
←Rate | 09-02-2010 05:53 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Only God can judge me, and my neighbors. And my friends. And Family. And random drivers while I lip sync "Call me Maybe" while on the Interstate.
←Rate | 07-03-2012 10:21 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today my daughter asked me if beavers have whiskers. I told her it's the woman's right to choose
←Rate | 08-08-2011 11:07 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't understand why so many of you are unhappy. They sell vodka where you are, don't they?
←Rate | 07-24-2012 23:16 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon My first Orgasm of the day is a lot like the part in Wizard of Oz where it goes from black and white to color. Only with less Dwarfs and a lot more singing.
←Rate | 12-07-2011 21:01 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon The blue whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating. Only 10 percent enters the female. And you always wondered why the sea tasted salty?
←Rate | 10-11-2011 14:08 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon This pill bottle says 'Take with plenty of fluids' and 'Don't take with alcohol'. That doesn't even make sense
←Rate | 10-26-2012 10:59 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know you are in the ‘hood when your portable GPS says “Drive faster and put me under the seat.”
←Rate | 05-10-2012 23:41 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I suspect my gravestone will have a pretty serious urine discoloration not long after I'm gone.
←Rate | 01-13-2014 21:53 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never got any good mail on Saturday anyway.
←Rate | 02-06-2013 10:58 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon My elf on the shelf is just a credit card bill I move around to pretend I dealt with it.
←Rate | 11-25-2016 14:36 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon My resolutions are the same as last year: try to make it all the way through, or not, whatever.
←Rate | 12-31-2012 14:38 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ladies... After a BJ, if your makeup doesn't look like The Joker's, you half-a55ed it.
←Rate | 05-26-2012 13:54 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING: Kazakhstan threatens retaliation over release of BORAT.
←Rate | 12-18-2014 21:55 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm so lazy I just gave up halfway through a shrug.
←Rate | 08-12-2011 01:25 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon I read "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" in 4 hours yesterday. I know it's only 6 words, but I was still impressed with myself.
←Rate | 04-01-2012 19:39 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  


   messageicon i don't want a girlfriend I want an accomplice
←Rate | 12-07-2016 11:59 by Doc Noland Comments (1)  


   messageicon RIP Khaddafi. Also, RIP Qaddafi. And let us not forget: RIP Ghaddafi. And just to be safe, RIP Caddaphee.
←Rate | 10-20-2011 13:58 by Doc Noland Comments (0)  



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