Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   TSA = Touchy Squeezy Abusers

   Today In the Facebook Stock Market, 'Happy Easter' status updates are up 200%, 'Stupid Group Invitations' are up 50%, 'Friendship Bonding' plummets and 'Exaggerations' are down 3.40 pts on the Nasdaq.

   I would like to give a big shout out to all the pissed off kids who only get one set of presents a year because their birthday is too close to Christmas.

   If you decide to dress up as Lance Armstrong for this Halloween, just remember to give all the candy back at the end of the night.

   Excellent! My prediction of the millions of "Merry Christmas" status updates is coming along perfectly. Now all I need is a million "Happy New Years" status updates and my goals of knowing the obvious will be complete.

   You ever wonder what the person on the other side of the mirror is wondering about you?

   Dear BP, ....Lower your gas prices a good amount and we'll call it even.

   Ladies are forever saying "all men are dogs", but what they fail to realize is that dogs are loyal as fu¢k if you treat them right.

   you know its sad when your mother is on facebook and guys younger than you are poking her.

   Chocolate contains 'phenylethylamine'. That's the same natural chemical your brain produces when you fall in love. And you wonder why women like chocolate.

   Bathroom mirrors are either the luckiest or the unluckiest objects in the house

   why kiss....when you can tell her lips a secret.

   Newton's 3rd Law of Emotion: For every male action, there is a female overreaction

   The "problems" in your life can't be that bad if you can update a facebook status... How bad can life be if you have internet access or a cell phone with a data plan.

   sorry 2009 but I'm going to have to file a restraining order on you. You're going to have to stay at least 365 days away from me. You caused to many problems.

   The WIFE and her husband's CREDIT CARD....The True Marriage.

   Teeth are always in style!

   Halloween = Candy, Thanksgiving = Food, Christmas = Gifts, New Years = Drinks, Valentines = Sex, Birthdays = ALL OF THE ABOVE

   You always feel a sense of accomplishment when you finally get that food stuck between your teeth with your tongue....So get ready for Thanksgiving.

   They show sex on TV, but radio has 'Bleeps'.......Way to go FCC.