Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4987 of 6367
hates people who try to straighten their glasses with grimaces
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04-11-2011 13:59
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Guy: God, how long is a million years to you? God: A minute. Guy: How much is a million dollars to you? God: A penny. Guy: Can I have a penny? God: In a minute
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04-11-2011 13:46 by Justin
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"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger this afternoon and I realize, Oh man....I could be eating a slow learner."
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04-11-2011 13:46 by hovo
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When I go on deployments, I have my friends send me Jack Daniels in a Listerine bottle.
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04-11-2011 13:45
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Went to this mexican restaurant for dinner ... It had pronounciations of each item ... Nachos (Na-choos) Buritto (Bur-ee-toe) Taco (Ta-Koe), never laughed so hard in my life! Side note: It was attached to a bowling alley ... awesome
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04-11-2011 13:45 by hovo
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Jack Daniels.
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04-11-2011 13:42
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When I see a kid about 4 - 7 years old with a mullet I can almost guarantee you there is a meth lab at his house and I would just like to go smack his parents!!
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04-11-2011 13:08 by urboyblue
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Sophisticated…Aerodynamic…Incredibly Powerful, yet responsive to lightweight handling
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04-11-2011 12:10
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People who take the elevator up one floor should wear signs reading "I quit trying at life long ago."
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04-11-2011 12:03 by Aaron
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Starting to doubt if Lage Gaga is a drag queen
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04-11-2011 11:50
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I'm thinking about getting a dog from Asia. Instead of eating your homework, they actually do it for you.
offensive and creative like handicap porn…
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04-11-2011 10:44 by Michael
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Rain on a Monday, in spite of the fact we need the rain, is unacceptable. Mother Nature will be hearing from my attorney.
That inopportune moment when you notice the "For a good time call" # on the bathroom wall is your girlfriend's cell #.
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04-11-2011 08:19
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That odd moment when you sober up and realized you poked your sister on facebook last night.
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04-11-2011 07:38
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My imaginary friend Dan is a terrible wingman.
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04-11-2011 07:35
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My 2 lesbian neighbour got me a watch for my birthday :/ I think they misunderstood me when they asked to me what do you want for birthday and I said: I WANNA WATCH!!
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04-11-2011 06:31
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I like my women like I like my coffee. Cold and bitter.
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04-11-2011 05:23
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I have to put my belt on with a boomerang.
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04-11-2011 05:15
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Nothing is impossible as long as you don't have to do it yourself
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04-11-2011 05:08
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