Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   Q: What's the difference between Hitler, Stalin & Obama?... A: We know where Hitler and Stalin were born.

   So what I have observed is that the Michelin tire guy pretty much pulls tires out of his rolls of fat and throws them at his enemies. Wierd.

   The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures.

   I was looking through and fondeling melons today at Wal-Mart.

   proposes that if someone pokes you, you should have the option to kick them in the groin or at least in the shins. Let's make this as real as possible.

   dear portuguese easter bunny , dont hide to many eggs in my sweetbread because then there will be less sweetbread and I'll be pissed , thank you :)

   Don't cops have something better to do than arrest non-violent casual Marijuana smokers?

   Antoine Dodson how'd you get arrested for marijuana possession? You are so dumb! you are really dumb, forreal.

   Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny, seemed to like the rich families more. Who liked the poor families more? the Stork.

   If Easter Egg hunting was an Olympic event, I would have at least 4 Gold Medals by now. I'm not sure why it is, but I have this extraordinary sixth sense.

   Did anyone else ever wonder why the Easter Bunny gave away chocolate eggs? Last I checked, bunnies don't lay eggs. What kind of sick new species is this?

   Easter can be just as much fun as an adult as it was as a child. Just paint and hide beer cans instead of eggs.

   I love biting the ears and heads off chocolate Easter bunnies.

   On this day, 25 years ago, Geraldo Rivera opened Al Capone's vault. WTF is he still working?

   thinks cell phone companies need to stop pretending it's so great that you can "check Facebook right from your phone." For crying out loud people, this is 2011, I can update Facebook from my toaster!

   The Easter Bunny just left me a bunch of tiny brown chocolate eggs. Can't wait to eat them. Yummy!

   more kisses begin with Budweiser or good weed than Kay

   Antoine Dodson arrested for possession of marijuana. He should have added that to his list of things to hide...

   thinking about landscaping the back yard with fake Easter grass.

   Women are from Venus? That's bull. They're from Pluto. How else can they stand outside a club in freezing rainy weather with nothing but a mini skirt?