Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Finally cleans my toaster tray Finds the map to the lost city of Arzkab
←Rate | 06-15-2020 10:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let me get this straight. I should wear a mask, gloves, sunglasses and a hat. That sounds more like a disguise to me
←Rate | 07-03-2020 15:40 by Lonnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kim: Honey, I haven’t heard your name in the news for over a week! Quick, say or do something stupid! Kanye: Hold my beer...
←Rate | 04-26-2018 15:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are now way too many people on this planet. We need a new plague.
←Rate | 05-08-2018 13:05 Comments (2)  


   messageicon Seriously guys, I'm a virgin. No woman finds me attractive.
←Rate | 07-22-2018 13:08 by Snowflake Comments (5)  


   messageicon Wives, husbands talk in their sleep because it's the only time they get a chance to talk.
←Rate | 08-02-2018 16:11 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon A man agreeing with a woman doesn't mean he agrees with her. It's just away to shut her up.
←Rate | 08-10-2018 13:24 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Can you tell me how to get....... How to get to craaaazzzy town..... How to get to crazy town..... how to get to crazy town..... how to get to crazy town.
←Rate | 09-10-2018 02:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What do you call a ghost bee? ...... A boo bee.
←Rate | 09-21-2018 00:18 by Haha Comments (0)  


   messageicon Running with the Spanish bulls, Seattle WA and Portland OR, tonight, live on Pay per view
←Rate | 07-27-2020 05:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.
←Rate | 08-05-2020 23:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've social distancing most of my life - now everybody's doing it. Now I'm just waiting for everybody to experiment with autoerotique asphyxiation.
←Rate | 09-25-2020 10:01 by Madman Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always sharpen my guest bed of nails before my mother-in-law comes to visit.
←Rate | 11-23-2020 07:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Which wine pairs best with Spicy chicken Ramen ?
←Rate | 12-02-2020 14:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some drink from fountain of knowledge others just gargle
←Rate | 12-24-2020 10:34 by Patsfan Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you gonna keep going back to a toxic relationship, deactivate yer social media
←Rate | 01-08-2021 16:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just want to walk in to a random workplace, put fish in the microwave for 10 minutes on high. Then just sit back and watch the fireworks.
←Rate | 01-20-2021 08:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I really hate to make you people cry but Kim Kardashian has filed for divorce from Kanye West.
←Rate | 02-19-2021 19:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Waxing my car. God knows how it ever got to be so hairy
←Rate | 03-01-2021 08:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who called it “online shopping while sitting on the toilet” And not “buyarrhea”
←Rate | 03-01-2021 08:37 Comments (0)  




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