Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The ski racks on my car say I'm fun, adventurous, and can't figure out how to take the ski racks off my car.
←Rate | 04-23-2011 15:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I figured out what Obama was talking about when he said there is going to be CHANGE.It's all we have left to carry in our front pocket when he is done taking his part !!!!
←Rate | 04-23-2011 14:43 by ricky painter Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hated my first experience of skydiving. I jumped out of the plane with the other person next to me. Anyway about halfway down he said "So how long have you been an instructor?"
←Rate | 04-23-2011 13:48 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw Bigfoot!! Oh wait, its just the mother in law.
←Rate | 04-23-2011 13:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm not a porn star, but I'll give it a try.
←Rate | 04-23-2011 13:12 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's not my birthday, but I'll take a spanking anyway.
←Rate | 04-23-2011 13:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My doctor has diagnosed me with mild tourettes. Blast.
←Rate | 04-23-2011 12:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend was really as she's just won a makeover. "It's just like that show on Channel 4!" she beamed... "What, Scrapheap Challenge?".
←Rate | 04-23-2011 12:48 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon man, when are 'good girls' gonna start liking good guys? I'm running out of patience here!
←Rate | 04-23-2011 11:42 by Afrique18 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Note to the Easter Bunny: You're not fooling anyone with that fake grass in the basket.
←Rate | 04-23-2011 10:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Parents, How do you expect kids to listen to you when: Tarzan lives half naked. Cinderella comes back at midnight. Pinocchio lies all the time. Aladdin is the king of thieves. Batman drives at 320km/h. Sleeping beauty is lazy. Snow white sleeps with
←Rate | 04-23-2011 09:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sh!t it's raining, f*ck it's lightning, dammit thunder, just cussing up a storm over here..
←Rate | 04-23-2011 09:24 by Wolf Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know why they call it golf? Cause all the other four letter words were taken!!
←Rate | 04-23-2011 09:15 by Wolf Comments (0)  


   messageicon hopes there is never another NFL game again until people act grown up and forget money and remember the sacrifice of Pat Tillman. (Research it)
←Rate | 04-23-2011 09:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only rabbit I want coming to my house is Jessica.
←Rate | 04-23-2011 09:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I tried to walk into target today but I missed
←Rate | 04-23-2011 08:43 by tonez Comments (0)  


   messageicon Give Tiger a break. Obama is screwing the WHOLE country!
←Rate | 04-23-2011 08:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ovens are a lot like sex. Women want them preheated first - Men just shove it in and don't care.
←Rate | 04-23-2011 08:28 by @clarkysj Comments (0)  


   messageicon The best thing about this weather is the short skirts & low cut tops.............. Even if they do make me look a but gay!
←Rate | 04-23-2011 08:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Came home Friday with flowers for the missus. When I handed them to her she replied, "Great. Now I have to spend all weekend on my back with my legs in the air." Obviously confused I asked, "Why? Don't we have any vases?
←Rate | 04-23-2011 08:00 Comments (0)  




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