Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Dear grown folks, Stop going broke trying to look rich and act your WAGE:)
←Rate | 01-12-2012 17:39 by D. Wright Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.
←Rate | 01-18-2012 20:20 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon I may not be always right but I'm never wrong
←Rate | 10-12-2009 21:12 by Mr. King Comments (0)  


   messageicon trying to put m&m's in alphabetical order...This could take a while...
←Rate | 10-28-2009 08:06 by Bunnyguts Comments (0)  


   messageicon chose the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.
←Rate | 12-06-2009 02:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon says Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back!
←Rate | 12-20-2009 19:54 by ANGELA Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
←Rate | 01-07-2010 15:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Damn court sux. If I ever got pooled 4 jury duty I would start all my answers w/ "According to the phrophecy..."
←Rate | 01-22-2010 09:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whoever says Paper beats Rock is an idiot. Next time I see someone say that I will throw a rock at them while they hold up a sheet of paper
←Rate | 02-01-2010 15:46 by khaleed Comments (0)  


   messageicon Virginity is not a dignity.It's just a Lack of opportunity.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 12:25 by Octane Comments (0)  


   messageicon wonders if you ever wished your life had a System Restore... or maybe even just a Back Button?
←Rate | 02-19-2010 08:43 by Paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon ...Can someone to tell me why there is braille on drive thru ATM machines. Am I missing something here??
←Rate | 03-23-2010 16:52 by johnny5 Comments (1)  


   messageicon can't stand Cows. They're way too dramatic. If it's not one thing, it's an udder.
←Rate | 03-25-2010 23:15 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please insert credit card to view my status message.
←Rate | 10-21-2010 14:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon i said to me little sister spell MacDonald and I will take you there she replied ok lets go to KFC
←Rate | 10-31-2010 02:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon playing Call of Doodie
←Rate | 11-14-2010 22:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush...heheheehe...I said bush:)
←Rate | 11-21-2010 22:48 by bryan j brown Comments (0)  


   messageicon This years Thanksgiving challenge: See if you can sneak a bowl of Lucky Charms on the table.
←Rate | 11-24-2010 17:28 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The night before my friend's wedding he asked me how "IT" was done. I told him to take the thing he plays with and put it where she pees. On his wedding night he took his guitar and tossed it in the sink.
←Rate | 12-19-2010 23:52 by PhillyBob Comments (0)  


   messageicon now knows what Johnny Cash was singing about in "Ring of Fire." He ate at Taco Bell last night.
←Rate | 12-21-2010 13:27 by Ron Comments (0)  




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