Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4901 of 6369
Cheerios jus came out with hoplessios for emo kids
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02-04-2012 11:48 by Tazor
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you know....it's been almost two months since Christmas.....I should probably stop ceaselessly referring to my p*nis as the "Pole-her Express"....
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02-10-2012 11:57 by Slickpony
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Ok All right who pushed the damn buffalo wild wing button.......during this race ???
There are countless ways of attaining greatness, but any road to reaching one's maximum potential must be built on a bedrock of respect for the individual, a commitment to excellence, and a rejection of mediocrity."
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07-23-2012 13:05
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The olympics... the only time where you can be a male swimmer and we won't think you're gay.
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07-28-2012 14:22
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Considering my balance, my credit card has the best theft detection ever. It just says declined no matter what you try to buy.
Why does Cheaters need a camera crew of 600?
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08-13-2012 14:22
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One of my buddies on facebook "liked" the movie 8 seconds. It said on facebook that "Dave likes 8 seconds." I bet his wife doesn't.
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08-13-2012 20:21
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Free slurpee day at 7/11. You're welcome.
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07-11-2013 11:08
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At some point we will have to get our clothes on and use our mouths for eating food.
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07-18-2013 13:09
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William & Kate, i'm really happy for you and imma let you finish, but Panda Watch was the best baby watch of all time!! #Anchorman , #imronburgundy?
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07-22-2013 15:49 by Tristan
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Miley you just broke my heart... my achy breaky heart.
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08-26-2013 01:30
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I went to my annual visit to the dentist. 3 lost teeth and blood everywhere. But at the same time, because he really hurted me, he deserved it.
I don't get the whole "half baked idea" thing....I prefer to be fully baked when I come up with my ideas.
I joined the Adopt-a-Highway program, I got the road to now where....
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09-11-2012 00:07
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Those people that put up Halloween decorations way too early deserve it when they blow away in the wind today.
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09-18-2012 15:32
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If your significant other doesn't reply to your text within 5 minutes, they're out cheating on you.
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10-05-2012 14:13 by Baddie
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I have come to the conclusion that you can post almost anything on Facebook and most people will automatically assume it to be factual. The odds of this are increased if the post is witty and is accompanied by a cute picture.
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10-09-2012 19:21
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Buses are just limos for poor people.
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10-10-2012 11:47 by Baddie
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Damn! It's finally beer thirty! See you f uckers Monday!!
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10-19-2012 16:40
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