Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4900 of 6367
If a fat man in a red suit comes and grabs you and stuffs you into a bag, dont worry. He just read my wish list. :)
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12-17-2011 18:59 by ghl19
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first it was Farrah Fawcett, then Michael Jackson, now Kim Jong Il. all of my bedroom wall poster idols are dead
Checking In' on Facebook Places is really just another way of people showing other people how much better their day is/was than yours.
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10-14-2011 19:35 by g0re
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I didn't trip... Nature was testing my balance!!
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10-17-2011 20:11
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I wish my homework was horny, so it would do itself. Just sayin.
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10-20-2011 19:54
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I like, likeing the quotes everybody hates:)
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10-21-2011 20:56 by nick
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hates being called handsome. If a twosome is s*x between 2 people, threesome being s*x between three people, etc...then you get my point!
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10-30-2011 14:13
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Running around the office naked with the cat
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11-01-2011 11:49 by Game
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"Nonexistent" is my new favorite word. It describes so many things about my life!
I donated my body to science....fiction.
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11-06-2011 08:19 by Mick F
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All these women dancing around with swiffers and vacuum cleaners ..having a blast ..sorry ladies no more crying about how hard you worked at cleaning the house.....I DONT BY IT...!!!!
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11-10-2011 12:21
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Ummm,,, I just tried to make a donation to the "Tourette Syndrome Foundation" in England,,,,, and they told me to Sod off.
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04-12-2012 11:24 by snotty
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My wife is going to get a big surprise when she tries to sleep in tomorrow.... I superglued a thumbtack to the snooze button.
Being dyslexic and online dating can be a big problem. My last date I thought it said nympho maniac. Turns out she was a necro'philic.
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04-15-2012 21:04 by ff1241
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Don't you hate when people call your name 20 times..... Then end up saying "NEVERMIND"? Nah, you gonna tell me SOMEthing.
Yahoo news headline "Woman beats off rapist" Ummmm, did they make some kind of comprimise?
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01-30-2012 13:05
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Cheerios jus came out with hoplessios for emo kids
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02-04-2012 11:48 by Tazor
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you know....it's been almost two months since Christmas.....I should probably stop ceaselessly referring to my p*nis as the "Pole-her Express"....
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02-10-2012 11:57 by Slickpony
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Ok All right who pushed the damn buffalo wild wing button.......during this race ???
I gave myself an obscene amount of vodka. I'm so thoughtful.