Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon If a fat man in a red suit comes and grabs you and stuffs you into a bag, dont worry. He just read my wish list. :)
←Rate | 12-17-2011 18:59 by ghl19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon first it was Farrah Fawcett, then Michael Jackson, now Kim Jong Il. all of my bedroom wall poster idols are dead
←Rate | 12-19-2011 10:16 by hoosiergatorfan Comments (0)  


   messageicon Checking In' on Facebook Places is really just another way of people showing other people how much better their day is/was than yours.
←Rate | 10-14-2011 19:35 by g0re Comments (0)  


   messageicon I didn't trip... Nature was testing my balance!!
←Rate | 10-17-2011 20:11 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish my homework was horny, so it would do itself. Just sayin.
←Rate | 10-20-2011 19:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like, likeing the quotes everybody hates:)
←Rate | 10-21-2011 20:56 by nick Comments (0)  


   messageicon hates being called handsome. If a twosome is s*x between 2 people, threesome being s*x between three people, etc...then you get my point!
←Rate | 10-30-2011 14:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Running around the office naked with the cat
←Rate | 11-01-2011 11:49 by Game Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Nonexistent" is my new favorite word. It describes so many things about my life!
←Rate | 11-02-2011 09:14 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon I donated my body to science....fiction.
←Rate | 11-06-2011 08:19 by Mick F Comments (0)  


   messageicon All these women dancing around with swiffers and vacuum cleaners ..having a blast ..sorry ladies no more crying about how hard you worked at cleaning the house.....I DONT BY IT...!!!!
←Rate | 11-10-2011 12:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ummm,,, I just tried to make a donation to the "Tourette Syndrome Foundation" in England,,,,, and they told me to Sod off.
←Rate | 04-12-2012 11:24 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon My wife is going to get a big surprise when she tries to sleep in tomorrow.... I superglued a thumbtack to the snooze button.
←Rate | 04-15-2012 00:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being dyslexic and online dating can be a big problem. My last date I thought it said nympho maniac. Turns out she was a necro'philic.
←Rate | 04-15-2012 21:04 by ff1241 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't you hate when people call your name 20 times..... Then end up saying "NEVERMIND"? Nah, you gonna tell me SOMEthing.
←Rate | 04-16-2012 21:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yahoo news headline "Woman beats off rapist" Ummmm, did they make some kind of comprimise?
←Rate | 01-30-2012 13:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cheerios jus came out with hoplessios for emo kids
←Rate | 02-04-2012 11:48 by Tazor Comments (0)  


   messageicon you know....it's been almost two months since Christmas.....I should probably stop ceaselessly referring to my p*nis as the "Pole-her Express"....
←Rate | 02-10-2012 11:57 by Slickpony Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ok All right who pushed the damn buffalo wild wing button.......during this race ???
←Rate | 02-27-2012 23:22 by bruce cronk 98 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I gave myself an obscene amount of vodka. I'm so thoughtful.
←Rate | 12-25-2011 18:32 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  




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