Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4899 of 6369
Vegetarians, your boyfriends want to break up with you.
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05-13-2012 09:50 by Baddie
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Thinks there are better things in life than alcohol. but alcohol makes up for not having them
Ummm,,, I just tried to make a donation to the "Tourette Syndrome Foundation" in England,,,,, and they told me to Sod off.
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04-12-2012 11:24 by snotty
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My wife is going to get a big surprise when she tries to sleep in tomorrow.... I superglued a thumbtack to the snooze button.
Being dyslexic and online dating can be a big problem. My last date I thought it said nympho maniac. Turns out she was a necro'philic.
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04-15-2012 21:04 by ff1241
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Don't you hate when people call your name 20 times..... Then end up saying "NEVERMIND"? Nah, you gonna tell me SOMEthing.
Checking In' on Facebook Places is really just another way of people showing other people how much better their day is/was than yours.
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10-14-2011 19:35 by g0re
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I didn't trip... Nature was testing my balance!!
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10-17-2011 20:11
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I wish my homework was horny, so it would do itself. Just sayin.
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10-20-2011 19:54
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I like, likeing the quotes everybody hates:)
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10-21-2011 20:56 by nick
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hates being called handsome. If a twosome is s*x between 2 people, threesome being s*x between three people, etc...then you get my point!
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10-30-2011 14:13
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Running around the office naked with the cat
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11-01-2011 11:49 by Game
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"Nonexistent" is my new favorite word. It describes so many things about my life!
I donated my body to science....fiction.
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11-06-2011 08:19 by Mick F
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All these women dancing around with swiffers and vacuum cleaners ..having a blast ..sorry ladies no more crying about how hard you worked at cleaning the house.....I DONT BY IT...!!!!
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11-10-2011 12:21
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I'm in Wisconsin for two more days which should be just long enough to lose enthusiasm for existence.
There are people who are only alive thanks to the fact that killing is illegal
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11-18-2011 21:27 by BEGO
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#HeyWendy, stop naming every #cheeseburger after your dad. I don't need to know that he's 'hot n' juicy', it's weird.
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11-22-2011 19:12
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Chocolate helps everything..exept obesity..
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11-22-2011 19:39
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There's always a little truth behind every 'jk,' a little knowledge behind every 'idk,' a little emotion behind every 'idc,' and a little pain behind every 'it's OK.
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12-07-2011 05:25 by g0re
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