Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I look forward to the day I get to complain to my grandkids about how when I was growing up we didn't have 3D porn.
←Rate | 01-03-2012 01:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe my microwave is leaking radiation, but I could swear Orville Redenbacher just asked me if I can keep a secret from my mommy and daddy.
←Rate | 01-13-2012 08:57 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Going where the cool people are... Outside!!
←Rate | 01-19-2012 07:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon How cool would it be to be rich enough to own a falcon? I think there's a difference between being rich, and then there's owning a falcon rich....:)
←Rate | 01-23-2012 16:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks
←Rate | 01-24-2012 03:55 by Tsparks Comments (0)  


   messageicon Los Angeles hasn't changed me. I still put on leather pants one leg at a time.
←Rate | 11-16-2011 09:46 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon ready for a football, family, food, and farts...Happy Thanksgiving!
←Rate | 11-24-2011 06:56 by Bob Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Cyber Monday!! A/S/L?
←Rate | 11-28-2011 13:01 by JaxWylde Comments (0)  


   messageicon just ate 4 fiber bars today, been on the toilet for the past hour :/
←Rate | 12-03-2011 20:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need you guys to vouch for me. I accidentally spelled Satan instead of Santa in Christmas lights and my neighbors house and now they are convinced that my star of Bethlehem is a pentagram......:/
←Rate | 12-12-2011 16:03 by mark Comments (0)  


   messageicon Im thinking of opening a specialty store that caters to people with A.D.D. I will call it "The Shiny Squirrel". Or I might just throw rocks at this tree.
←Rate | 12-15-2011 16:42 by jeff Comments (0)  


   messageicon MONEY: can buy a house, but not a HOME. can buy a clock, but not TIME. can buy sex, but not LOVE. So pass me all ur $ n let me suffer 4 U
←Rate | 02-03-2012 14:12 by Lee Comments (0)  


   messageicon im at A & E just a quick word of warning the dyson ball cleaner is not what you think it is `
←Rate | 02-07-2012 16:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Secret to using the best approach when attempting to engage in conversation with me ... don't.
←Rate | 02-09-2012 05:29 by CindyAnn Comments (0)  


   messageicon In my dream, I was just about to have sex with Meagan Fox, but my alarm went off. You can say I got clock blocked.
←Rate | 02-09-2012 10:12 by Nobody Comments (0)  


   messageicon A guy walks into a bar with a toad on his head. The bartender says, "Jesus fella, what happened to you?" The toad says, "It all started with a wart on the ass!"
←Rate | 02-10-2012 13:19 by cantremember Shiit Comments (0)  


   messageicon Blake Shelton said he sits by Lady Gaga at Emmys. He hope she has on meat dress because he is hungry. Like the way he thinks.
←Rate | 02-12-2012 18:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hey kids, come on and put your tin foil hats on so you wont get wet in this electrical storm
←Rate | 02-15-2012 13:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Due to the ever changing musical landscape, we may never know who rocked the party that rocked your body.
←Rate | 02-17-2012 11:10 by SuthernFukr Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wanted: Dyslexics to work 5 to 9.
←Rate | 02-18-2012 15:10 Comments (0)  




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