Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4877 of 6367
I look forward to the day I get to complain to my grandkids about how when I was growing up we didn't have 3D porn.
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01-03-2012 01:33
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Maybe my microwave is leaking radiation, but I could swear Orville Redenbacher just asked me if I can keep a secret from my mommy and daddy.
Going where the cool people are... Outside!!
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01-19-2012 07:23
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How cool would it be to be rich enough to own a falcon? I think there's a difference between being rich, and then there's owning a falcon rich....:)
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01-23-2012 16:37
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I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks
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01-24-2012 03:55 by Tsparks
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Los Angeles hasn't changed me. I still put on leather pants one leg at a time.
ready for a football, family, food, and farts...Happy Thanksgiving!
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11-24-2011 06:56 by Bob
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Happy Cyber Monday!! A/S/L?
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11-28-2011 13:01 by JaxWylde
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just ate 4 fiber bars today, been on the toilet for the past hour :/
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12-03-2011 20:43
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I need you guys to vouch for me. I accidentally spelled Satan instead of Santa in Christmas lights and my neighbors house and now they are convinced that my star of Bethlehem is a pentagram......:/
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12-12-2011 16:03 by mark
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Im thinking of opening a specialty store that caters to people with A.D.D. I will call it "The Shiny Squirrel". Or I might just throw rocks at this tree.
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12-15-2011 16:42 by jeff
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MONEY: can buy a house, but not a HOME. can buy a clock, but not TIME. can buy sex, but not LOVE. So pass me all ur $ n let me suffer 4 U
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02-03-2012 14:12 by Lee
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im at A & E just a quick word of warning the dyson ball cleaner is not what you think it is `
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02-07-2012 16:19
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Secret to using the best approach when attempting to engage in conversation with me ... don't.
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02-09-2012 05:29 by CindyAnn
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In my dream, I was just about to have sex with Meagan Fox, but my alarm went off. You can say I got clock blocked.
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02-09-2012 10:12 by Nobody
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A guy walks into a bar with a toad on his head. The bartender says, "Jesus fella, what happened to you?" The toad says, "It all started with a wart on the ass!"
Blake Shelton said he sits by Lady Gaga at Emmys. He hope she has on meat dress because he is hungry. Like the way he thinks.
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02-12-2012 18:07
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hey kids, come on and put your tin foil hats on so you wont get wet in this electrical storm
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02-15-2012 13:36
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Due to the ever changing musical landscape, we may never know who rocked the party that rocked your body.
Wanted: Dyslexics to work 5 to 9.
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02-18-2012 15:10
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