Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4875 of 6367
The future of TSA, ma'am bend over, spread your cheeks, cough!
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11-24-2010 08:00
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My vacuum cleaner bag says to change every 30-60 days. Here, I always thought it was 30-60lbs...
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12-01-2010 13:19
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Mother Nature is blowing everyone tonight.
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12-01-2010 17:13
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you can easily geta smartphone these days but hard to find smart people.
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12-10-2010 13:56 by Deep
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it's so hot the jalapenos in my garden were all standing over in the shade.
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06-24-2010 21:37
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Opportunity knocks but once... if Opportunity knocks twice...Opportunity walks in and steals your TV set
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06-27-2010 13:27
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me people need a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up
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06-29-2010 12:57
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His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
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07-07-2010 15:55 by PeeWee
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Today: Consumer Reports cannot recommend iPhone 4. Tomorrow: Everyone at Consumer Reports found dead.
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07-13-2010 14:22 by NH
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procrastination is when people say goodnight to facebook.
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07-14-2010 15:06
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so as I am leaving to go to work I go to unlock the door to leave...I can feel heat radiating from the door from the outside..I have always been told that if you feel heat you should not open the door....so I guess I should turn around go back to bed I sh
If you wouldn't wear your GF shirt that has rhinestones and glitter, why would it be ok to wear one that has some other guys name on it that reads Ed Hardy?
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07-29-2010 17:59
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planning a night he'll NEVER remember!
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08-08-2010 06:30
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hopes he made no one uncomfortable while staring at their stats...
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01-21-2010 08:34 by paul
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learned not to leave the KY next to the Preparation H on the bedside table. When they say it shrinks the swelling...they AREN'T kidding!! Talk about a buzzkill!
I just opened my wheelie bin and a wasp flew out. Now what kind of sick person would do that?
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08-25-2010 19:21 by Lard
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Ecclesiastes assures us... that there is a time for every purpose under heaven. A time to laugh... and a time to weep. A time to mourn... and there is a time to dance.
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08-31-2010 11:56
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After all these episodes of "I survived" & "I shouldnt be alive"... why doesnt anyone keep any damn snacks in their pockets!
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09-26-2010 22:19
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There is an official UN appointee for First Contact should aliens arrive. I can't believe I didn't get that job.
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09-26-2010 22:58 by Aaron
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seriously, if your a guy and a friend of mine and I catch you wearing a European shoulder bag, I will slap you silly! You can thank me when you get out of that dress!