Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon The future of TSA, ma'am bend over, spread your cheeks, cough!
←Rate | 11-24-2010 08:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon My vacuum cleaner bag says to change every 30-60 days. Here, I always thought it was 30-60lbs...
←Rate | 12-01-2010 13:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mother Nature is blowing everyone tonight.
←Rate | 12-01-2010 17:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon you can easily geta smartphone these days but hard to find smart people.
←Rate | 12-10-2010 13:56 by Deep Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's so hot the jalapenos in my garden were all standing over in the shade.
←Rate | 06-24-2010 21:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Opportunity knocks but once... if Opportunity knocks twice...Opportunity walks in and steals your TV set
←Rate | 06-27-2010 13:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon me people need a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up
←Rate | 06-29-2010 12:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.
←Rate | 07-07-2010 15:55 by PeeWee Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today: Consumer Reports cannot recommend iPhone 4. Tomorrow: Everyone at Consumer Reports found dead.
←Rate | 07-13-2010 14:22 by NH Comments (0)  


   messageicon procrastination is when people say goodnight to facebook.
←Rate | 07-14-2010 15:06 Comments (0)  


   messageicon so as I am leaving to go to work I go to unlock the door to leave...I can feel heat radiating from the door from the outside..I have always been told that if you feel heat you should not open the door....so I guess I should turn around go back to bed I sh
←Rate | 07-18-2010 09:10 by jamiegulledge Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you wouldn't wear your GF shirt that has rhinestones and glitter, why would it be ok to wear one that has some other guys name on it that reads Ed Hardy?
←Rate | 07-29-2010 17:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon planning a night he'll NEVER remember!
←Rate | 08-08-2010 06:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon hopes he made no one uncomfortable while staring at their stats...
←Rate | 01-21-2010 08:34 by paul Comments (0)  


   messageicon learned not to leave the KY next to the Preparation H on the bedside table. When they say it shrinks the swelling...they AREN'T kidding!! Talk about a buzzkill!
←Rate | 02-03-2010 12:03 by htggems@yahoo.com Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just opened my wheelie bin and a wasp flew out. Now what kind of sick person would do that?
←Rate | 08-25-2010 19:21 by Lard Comments (1)  


   messageicon Ecclesiastes assures us... that there is a time for every purpose under heaven. A time to laugh... and a time to weep. A time to mourn... and there is a time to dance.
←Rate | 08-31-2010 11:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon After all these episodes of "I survived" & "I shouldnt be alive"... why doesnt anyone keep any damn snacks in their pockets!
←Rate | 09-26-2010 22:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There is an official UN appointee for First Contact should aliens arrive. I can't believe I didn't get that job.
←Rate | 09-26-2010 22:58 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon seriously, if your a guy and a friend of mine and I catch you wearing a European shoulder bag, I will slap you silly! You can thank me when you get out of that dress!
←Rate | 10-04-2010 11:09 by johnny rocket Comments (1)  




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