Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

Sort:  Recent   |  Oldest  |  Rating


Search Messages:
Page: 4843 of 6367

   messageicon The "don't talk to me about kids until you have a kid" people are extremely annoying. I don't think I need to produce another human being to know it's problematic to let a 4-year old treat me like his b!tch.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 10:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today is only my second day as a stay-at-home dad but I'm already confused. Do I get the fake tan or boobs first? And what's a zumba class?
←Rate | 05-24-2011 10:09 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Nice guys let her finish first, twice.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 10:08 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I only hate the people in front of me while checking out at the store. Everyone behind me is cool.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 10:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon The definition of being stupid: seeing the truth, knowing the truth, and choosing to still believe the lies... with a smile.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 09:40 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's a shame that stupidity can't be converted into a usable energy source.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 09:38 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon wonders, If I follow a leprechaun on twitter, would it somehow lead me to a pot gold?
←Rate | 05-24-2011 09:38 by kishen alex raj Comments (0)  


   messageicon Love means sharing your thoughts, your fears, your dreams, your hopes and your french fries.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 09:29 by Marshall the Great Comments (1)  


   messageicon That feeling when your ex reappears as a single mother with a child, and you immediately start doing the math.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 09:27 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon sometime you have to take a step back and really look at yourself to help you figure out who you want to be.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 09:23 by ginger curtis Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every morning around this time I start to wonder if I'm the maury type
←Rate | 05-24-2011 09:11 by serina Comments (0)  


   messageicon 10-21-11 is doomsday,Camping has spoken&we all know Camping never errs.well except for '88 being the year of the rapture,&'94 being the year of judgment & rapture, & of 5-21-11 at 6pm being a double date w/judgment&rapture.but other than that he's spot on
←Rate | 05-24-2011 08:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You'll never get over me... and you won't be getting under me either!
←Rate | 05-24-2011 08:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Looks like we have an idiot on the lose today. Disregards those meaningless statuses.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 08:34 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will do anything humanly possible to reach the remote without getting up.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 08:31 by AC Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every American President inherits a sworn duty to protect Israel. Protecting Israel costs money and lives. Losing money and lives while trying to protect Israel can cost an American president his job. Its a viscous circle.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 08:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What I like about soy butter is the delicate blending of the flavors of fish food and dirt.
←Rate | 05-24-2011 07:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon While cooking dinner tonight I got herbs in my eyes. I am now parsley sighted
←Rate | 05-24-2011 07:44 by Griff Comments (0)  


   messageicon boobbies make me happy click if you like boobbies, say it boobies
←Rate | 05-24-2011 06:55 by jack Comments (0)  


   messageicon The words that sunk a million hearts... "Let's just be friends"
←Rate | 05-24-2011 02:14 by Danny Comments (0)  




Submit your own funny facebook status message here:
Name:
Status Message:

... characters left