Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon FaceBook was shut down for 10min today.I could only imagine the baby boom to come in 9 months from now...
←Rate | 12-16-2010 16:51 by Tweegyblink Comments (0)  


   messageicon woke up with post-it note where one of his toes should have been. It said "Gone to market"....
←Rate | 11-14-2009 09:04 by deithy Comments (0)  


   messageicon s standing at the entrance of weight watchers eating A bucket of kfc, ha ha, how cruel am I :-)
←Rate | 01-29-2010 06:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Oooo God, Facebook was down for about 30 mins or so, I'm predicting a baby-boom in about 8 months... =)
←Rate | 10-22-2010 15:02 by Logan.T Comments (2)  


   messageicon Here's one for the women.......................... It's a 5-speed vibrator kind of day.
←Rate | 09-14-2011 14:48 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tsunami works like this: If you don't go to beach, beach goes to you.
←Rate | 06-02-2011 22:10 Comments (0)  


   messageicon no matter what happens in England my queen will always be Latifah
←Rate | 06-13-2011 11:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon a p°nis has a sad life. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an a55hole, his bestfriend is a pu55y and his owner beats him!
←Rate | 02-02-2012 17:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You know who I can't stand? Flo from Progressive and Jared from Subway. I wish they'd hook up, then drive off a cliff while choking on a five dollar footlong.
←Rate | 12-09-2011 19:43 by MTQ Comments (0)  


   messageicon I once swallowed a book of synonyms. It gave me thesaurus throat I’ve ever had.
←Rate | 02-22-2021 09:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need a toothpick to remove this prius that is stuck on the grill of my hummer
←Rate | 10-13-2013 10:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Porsche for sale C?HEAP! Needs some work.
←Rate | 12-01-2013 07:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attacking the rich is not envy, it is self defence. The hoarding of wealth is the cause of poverty. The rich aren't just indifferent to poverty: they create it and maintain it. This is America in 2016.
←Rate | 02-14-2016 03:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon We can put a man on the moon but we can't put a cat in the dishwasher
←Rate | 09-30-2014 13:28 by Psycho Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just heard the Octo mom called Casey Anthony asking her how to spell chloroform
←Rate | 07-05-2011 18:38 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Michael Jackson gets to go to heaven because he was doing things the priest were doing.
←Rate | 09-19-2010 02:10 by Zack Comments (2)  


   messageicon Jesus is coming, Quick, look busy
←Rate | 05-05-2010 20:39 by one Comments (0)  


   messageicon Same Great Taste 40% Fewer Calories, 30% Less Fat.
←Rate | 03-27-2009 12:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need a beer! I need another beer. I think I'll have another one. Iguetss jusst on moer. I'lll hav jush one morrrre. Blaaaahhhh.
←Rate | 07-09-2010 21:12 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before bed, my Dad would always say, "OK son, time to hit the sack." Not sure how me punching him in the balls helped him sleep, but hey, that's my Dad for ya.
←Rate | 07-18-2011 13:32 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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