Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4809 of 6369
I think telling my date that "Good things come to those who wait" therefore I was going to be an hour late wasn't such a good idea.
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06-06-2011 13:50
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Excuse me guys, help here. What does it mean if the husband of a woman you have been flirting with on Facebook sends you a friend request? Am I in trouble? Should I be worried?
I'm trying to get back to my original weight. 7 lbs 9 oz
STILL, loking for a Russian maid with ten fingers like a mouth and a mouth like ten fingers...
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06-06-2011 13:24
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So it turns out the bean sprouts are innocent and have been released without charge, cucumbers are still suspect and being interviewed. But I have a seriously guilty looking tomato in the fridge......
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06-06-2011 13:07 by redfox
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WARNING::World Health Organization says radiation from cell phones may cause cancer. Please text everyone you know about this.
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06-06-2011 12:54
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Plaxico Burress is out of jail today... Only a black man would be sent to jail for 2 years for shooting himself...
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06-06-2011 12:37 by Bill
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After seeing Jennifer Aniston new boyfriend, I just realized that possibly I did have a chance....
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06-06-2011 12:27 by Rick H.
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planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now he doesn't know what to feed it.
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06-06-2011 12:24
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If you have to ask why I don't like you, you just answered your own question.
I just got back from my high school reunion. OK... actually, I logged into Facebook... but same thing.
My face hurts from making that look of concern as I pretend to listen.
They need to make a pop tart without all the crust
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06-06-2011 12:04
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I know that roses are expensive but $80 for a dozen? Thats a lot of money for a plant you can't smoke.
I swear, the next person who pisses me off will find out very quickly that my threats are empty.
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06-06-2011 11:38
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That awkward moment when you're chilling at the park and Bruno Mars walks by dragging a piano.
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06-06-2011 11:36
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The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
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06-06-2011 11:28
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Oh you hate your job? Theres a support group for that, its called EVERYBODY'S USED THIS POST ONE TOO MANY TIMES!
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06-06-2011 11:06 by BRian
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Going to: ❒ Paris ❒ New York ❒ London ✔ KITCHEN... I'm hungry
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06-06-2011 10:51
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didnt find her way to the top of the food chain, only to get taken out by a cucumber!!!!
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06-06-2011 09:24 by Stacky
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