Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4807 of 6369
Turn to me for spiritual guidance, then turn away from me for doggy style.
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11-15-2012 13:03
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WebMD Says I have the hypochondria
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12-04-2012 09:20 by snotty
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3 photo tags, 2 friends a-pokin and a someone who wont stop Inboxing meee...
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12-08-2012 18:57
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JUST ANNOUNCED: The Pope is resigning at the end of the month. Sounds a little Joe Paterno-ish to me.
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02-11-2013 06:08 by mike
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Your body should be a temple, not an amusement park.
Dental Assistant aka The one who passes things to the dentist
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03-28-2013 01:44
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I'm a little disappointed that the Supreme Court proceedings this week didn't begin with,,,,, "Mawage.. Mawage is wot bwings us togever today."
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03-29-2013 10:05 by snotty
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You're from Oslo? Norway!
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04-04-2013 08:02
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I knew I had a serious p orn addiction when I told the turkey to "take it b itch" as I rammed the stuffing in with a closed fist.
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10-10-2012 04:21
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The reason why it's so hard to understand Rachel Jeantel at the Zimmerman trial is not because she's uneducated, it's because she has multiple necks. So it just takes a lil longer for her words to travel.
Since the Statue of Liberty was a gift from France, I'm surprised she didn't come with both arms raised....Have a Happy 4th of July!
Bored??.. Text random numbers the following: The courthouse has your name in the newspaper for a failure to appear for jury duty this is the 24 hour number for you to check 714-319-7020. You're welcome! :)
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07-08-2013 23:41
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Hold your horses. It's hard realizing you're a horse and not a unicorn or a zebra. Console your horses. Tell them they're good enough.
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07-10-2013 11:29 by Aaron
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If you only see one movie this summer, I suggest seeing more. Movies are great.
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07-14-2013 20:45 by snotty
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I'm not sure how people get eaten by sharks... I mean how do you not hear the music?
When you see your girl out in public with another guy, one of yall 3 are supposed to die in that encounter.
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08-03-2013 15:45 by fadolo
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Ben Affleck is Batman. Hugh Jackman is Wolverine. Proves that comic books aren't gay, but movies are.
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08-24-2013 20:51 by Jojo
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Some mistakes only a mother can love.
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01-04-2013 11:55
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Free to good home: One useless black & white neutered female 9 year old cat. So useless has let 2 mice in this year alone. Doesn't even have to be a good home. Mediocre will do!!
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01-13-2013 10:12 by MWC
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Women are easy to make happy. Just 1) Spend more than you make on them, 2) Tell her she's pretty, 3) Unfriend every girl you know (even your sister), 4) ignore every sport but cheerleading and 5) Smile while you rat hole money for when she divorces you...
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01-23-2013 15:43
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