Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
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thinks that the legalization of marijuana for medicinal purposes should have been part of the Health Care Bill. I could then have developed a serious case of anal glaucoma and I would be too stoned to care about all the money this is going to cost us.
I want my boss to tell my coworker to shave her mustache! If I have too she has to too.
Gravity is a myth,earth sucks.
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11-22-2010 14:33
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If at 1st you don't succeed, being a magician that saws people in half might not be for you.
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12-02-2010 15:42
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I see Charlie Brown hittin' on Jessica Rabbitt, Transformers talkin dirty to Sailor Moon, Daria sxting Rainbow Brite, Woodpeckers and Woodys gettin buzz lightyeared, wtf .. I'm goin back 2 sleep
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12-03-2010 09:59 by randy
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I'm on the best diet ever. It's called the "I'm too hungover to eat" diet.
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07-06-2010 17:02 by Joser
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Don't focus on the one guy who hates you. You don't go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog s##t
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07-19-2010 16:58 by paulb808
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I want to be a bird. Not because I want the feeling of flight, but because I want to poop on people.
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07-20-2010 10:46
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I can't be your knight in shining armor.....but I DO have aluminum foil!
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07-25-2010 23:20 by BEGO
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Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
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07-27-2010 13:48 by craig
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The Stones are doing a farewell tour. Gonna miss Fred and Barney.
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07-27-2010 20:50
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Scientist have discovered an area on Mars that might have once contained life. Alien scientist have made the same discovery about the Gulf of Mexico.
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08-05-2010 00:41
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if in 2012 the world does not end, the naked guy sticking his tongue out of the middle of the Mayan calander can lick my @$$.
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12-17-2010 15:44
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wondering if a strap-on is considered an artificial limb?
- Like Kermit says, "It isn't easy being Rob Green"
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06-12-2010 16:58 by Kado
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the plastic things at the end of the shoelaces are called aglets and their real purpose is sinister
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06-17-2010 09:43
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I was sat on the side of the bed last night pulling off my boxers... When the wife said to me, "Please don't do that to the dogs!"
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07-14-2012 07:26
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Whenever I see a girl in a glittery shirt I think to myself, "Ooh! What a sparkly nightmare of need."
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07-17-2012 17:41
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Women are just like Hurricanes, because when they come they're wet & wild! And when they leave they're taking the house and car!!!
Being poor is never a reason to hate the rich. You can learn from them, wish & try to be like them, but envy means you have a rotten soul.
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08-02-2012 13:01
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