Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon thinks that the legalization of marijuana for medicinal purposes should have been part of the Health Care Bill. I could then have developed a serious case of anal glaucoma and I would be too stoned to care about all the money this is going to cost us.
←Rate | 03-25-2010 23:58 by QueenBee404 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want my boss to tell my coworker to shave her mustache! If I have too she has to too.
←Rate | 11-19-2010 04:05 by Herbncheese/oscar Comments (1)  


   messageicon Gravity is a myth,earth sucks.
←Rate | 11-22-2010 14:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If at 1st you don't succeed, being a magician that saws people in half might not be for you.
←Rate | 12-02-2010 15:42 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I see Charlie Brown hittin' on Jessica Rabbitt, Transformers talkin dirty to Sailor Moon, Daria sxting Rainbow Brite, Woodpeckers and Woodys gettin buzz lightyeared, wtf .. I'm goin back 2 sleep
←Rate | 12-03-2010 09:59 by randy Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm on the best diet ever. It's called the "I'm too hungover to eat" diet.
←Rate | 07-06-2010 17:02 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't focus on the one guy who hates you. You don't go to the park and set your picnic down next to the only pile of dog s##t
←Rate | 07-19-2010 16:58 by paulb808 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I want to be a bird. Not because I want the feeling of flight, but because I want to poop on people.
←Rate | 07-20-2010 10:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I can't be your knight in shining armor.....but I DO have aluminum foil!
←Rate | 07-25-2010 23:20 by BEGO Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
←Rate | 07-27-2010 13:48 by craig Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Stones are doing a farewell tour. Gonna miss Fred and Barney.
←Rate | 07-27-2010 20:50 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Scientist have discovered an area on Mars that might have once contained life. Alien scientist have made the same discovery about the Gulf of Mexico.
←Rate | 08-05-2010 00:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon if in 2012 the world does not end, the naked guy sticking his tongue out of the middle of the Mayan calander can lick my @$$.
←Rate | 12-17-2010 15:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wondering if a strap-on is considered an artificial limb?
←Rate | 05-04-2010 08:10 by Caring-Stalker Comments (1)  


   messageicon - Like Kermit says, "It isn't easy being Rob Green"
←Rate | 06-12-2010 16:58 by Kado Comments (0)  


   messageicon the plastic things at the end of the shoelaces are called aglets and their real purpose is sinister
←Rate | 06-17-2010 09:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was sat on the side of the bed last night pulling off my boxers... When the wife said to me, "Please don't do that to the dogs!"
←Rate | 07-14-2012 07:26 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever I see a girl in a glittery shirt I think to myself, "Ooh! What a sparkly nightmare of need."
←Rate | 07-17-2012 17:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Women are just like Hurricanes, because when they come they're wet & wild! And when they leave they're taking the house and car!!!
←Rate | 07-26-2012 14:49 by Abraham Lincoln Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being poor is never a reason to hate the rich. You can learn from them, wish & try to be like them, but envy means you have a rotten soul.
←Rate | 08-02-2012 13:01 Comments (0)  




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