Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon I have found that if you love life... life will love you back
←Rate | 12-12-2009 01:03 by Mike Comments (0)  


   messageicon This is my facebook. This is my gun. This is for posting this is for fun
←Rate | 03-31-2010 18:52 by dane Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate getting wet...it always makes little animals pop out of my bac!
←Rate | 11-12-2010 23:08 by wendy rafferty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Police found the device in a smoking Nissan Pathfinder. Thank God it was a Nissan. If it had been a Toyota, you know it would have blown up.
←Rate | 05-03-2010 07:19 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please! You're only older than me because your parents decided to have unprotected sex before mine did. At least mine didn't make a mistake that night.
←Rate | 05-28-2010 22:45 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd be more willing to cuddle with my Wife after sex if she'd be more willing to high-five after sex.
←Rate | 06-02-2010 19:02 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm an optimist and Windows 8 will be my idea.
←Rate | 12-13-2010 09:58 by JC Comments (0)  


   messageicon the last great run by a bronco was in 1994
←Rate | 02-02-2014 23:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Wow, the U.S. sychronized men's diving team are extreme h0m0sexuals.
←Rate | 08-02-2012 11:05 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Paula Dean is currently at home watching the George Zimmerman trial in disgust.
←Rate | 06-28-2013 13:53 by YourFavOriteAhole Comments (0)  


   messageicon what happens when a idiot can't get a gun and wants to make a scene?
←Rate | 04-15-2013 19:30 by MWC Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just invented a birth control pill for men. I figure it makes more sense to take the bullets out of the gun than to wear a bullet proof vest.
←Rate | 04-20-2013 19:05 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Wife = Happy Life
←Rate | 03-30-2011 12:30 by CJ Comments (1)  


   messageicon Think I'll take up smoking just so I'll get more breaks at work.
←Rate | 04-02-2011 10:41 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why do they no longer offer drivers ed and sex ed in schools in Mexico? The donkey died....
←Rate | 04-10-2011 01:31 by punkie Comments (0)  


   messageicon My kid stole this 'Student of the Month' bumper sticker off your car and put it on mine. And he beat your kid's ass.
←Rate | 09-30-2011 09:47 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I were an OBGYN my catchphrases would be "at your cervix!" and "not guilty your honer!"
←Rate | 09-06-2011 19:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I do the same thing after pumping gas that I do after sex... (Sniff my fingers)
←Rate | 06-14-2012 23:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went deep-sea fishing with my neighbor yesterday. He was tough to get on the hook, but you should see the shark I caught!
←Rate | 04-25-2012 23:58 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon In line at CVS I leaned close to the lady in front of me and whispered "boots with the fuuuuur." Now she's gone and I'm next.
←Rate | 12-03-2011 05:44 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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