Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Big Boobs makes my ADHD go crazy!
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:49 by Bridget Comments (0)  


   messageicon - Boobs are a lot like toy trains...they are meant for kids but dads like playing with them too
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:47 by Bridget Comments (0)  


   messageicon Anthony Weiner just needs to call Bill Clinton and get advice from a pro.
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:46 by Danmanz Comments (0)  


   messageicon on tv shows whenever someone gets audited, they have a box with all of their receipts. Who has a box? I don't have a box. Should I have a box?
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:40 by Zap Comments (0)  


   messageicon going to defrag my brain. Process takes 8 to 9 hours. Will be unavailable till reboot is complete..
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:40 by Bridget Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who needs thr circus when you can go to Walmart. "Our prices are as low as the self esteem of our freaks"
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you've ever taken a baby to a movie, please set yourself on fire. Thanks.
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:27 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Accidentally watched a few minutes of The Bachelor and now I can't remember a single state capitol.
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon apparently there are stupid questions. They're the ones I ask my wife.
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:23 by Zap Comments (0)  


   messageicon So Facebook is coming out with a new software that uses facial recongnition to automatically tag all pictures posted. Something tells me "drunken loser" will have the most tags ever.
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:14 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't believe in karma, but I do believe in punching people in the face.
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Do you want to speak to the man in charge or to the woman who knows what's going on?
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:11 by Zap Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a guy doesn't turn on the TV first when he sits down next to his woman on the couch, that's a BJ request.
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon just got a papercut… we'll just see if I recycle this week… stupid tree
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:11 by Zap Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't come to Facebook to read the status updates as a time killer anymore, I come to read the fights in the comment box. It's more entertaining.
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:09 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Being attractive means not having to worry about sexual harrassment suits.
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:06 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shhhh girl. No need to say another word. You had me at "open bar."
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:03 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon My "We had to walk 5 miles uphill in the snow just to get to school" story will be about it taking 4 hours to download an mp3 with a 28k modem in 1995.
←Rate | 06-12-2011 18:02 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon what's the best gym to pretend I go to?
←Rate | 06-12-2011 17:58 by Zap Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now where did I put those crystals for this napoleon dynamite time machine?
←Rate | 06-12-2011 15:36 by smee Comments (0)  




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