Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4780 of 6369
I didn't say you were stupid! I said “It's too bad you can't get by on your looks.”
Congressman Weiner's wife: "ANTHONY!!! I HAVE A BONE TO PICK WITH YOU!"
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06-14-2011 12:46 by MTQ
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I use to say “That's How I Roll” until I fell down a hillside. It was much different than I imagined. Now I say: That's how I scream & bounce.
If the 6-year-old me knew that I bought a house instead of a helicopter he'd kick my ass.
Do you know what I find interesting? ...Neither does this person who keeps talking to me.
Hey parents with teenagers, the bottle of vodka in your liquor cabinet is water.
I think that there are two kinds of people in the world: people who put raisins in cookies & people I like.
Revenge is a dish best served steaming hot! So your enemies burn their tongue.
why is my imaginary friend SO good at hide and seek?
Ever notice how the most tattooed guy everywhere you go is the one thats always broke?
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06-14-2011 11:48
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When I'm rich, I'm going to dictate my status updates to my secretary, and my butler will press the share button.
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06-14-2011 11:42
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Yes I look at the accident after Ive waited in traffic to pass it, its my turn.
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06-14-2011 11:38
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Officer I know I ran that red light but its okay I'll just stop twice at the next one. Are we cool?
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06-14-2011 11:35
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Hey homeless guy, quick tip: dont panhandle outside the 99 Cent Store, were not that far from you.
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06-14-2011 11:34
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Couples who exchange "sweet nothings" on facebook, stop it, every time you do that I kick a cat.
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06-14-2011 11:29
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Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
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06-14-2011 11:29
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Couples who exchange "sweet nothing" on facebook, stop it, every time you do that I kick a cat.
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06-14-2011 11:29
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If there is any time to pay attention, it is while typing grandfather clocks into an image search.
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06-14-2011 11:25
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Finally...a woman who can make me smile without taking her clothes off.
What has a Klondike bar ever done for me?
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06-14-2011 11:17
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