Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Every time I eat Chinese food I wear something nice, just in case I die in the same position as Elvis.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 20:33 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon My house phone is only good for calling my cellphone when I lose it.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 19:13 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Fathers Day, mom!!! :D
←Rate | 06-19-2011 18:42 by @sukkonmytweet Comments (0)  


   messageicon No matter what you can do, no matter how talented you are, no matter how amazing and unique that talent may be, somewhere in the world an Asian kid can do it better.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 17:18 by Chris Papadopoulos Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some smartphones are actually smarter than their owners.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 16:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't forget to thank the Moms too for putting up with the Fathers all along, cause without them their wouldn't be any Dads!!
←Rate | 06-19-2011 16:36 by Wolf Comments (0)  


   messageicon I opened our windows to get some fresh air in the house and now the neighbors are wondering why the whole block stinks
←Rate | 06-19-2011 16:03 by Aaron Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy Father's Day, all! Be nice to your dad today. Remember it's because of him not pulling out in time that you're alive today!
←Rate | 06-19-2011 15:57 by biggie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Got a flannel shirt for the 9th Fathers Day in a row... Thanks honey, cant wait to see what you get me next year!
←Rate | 06-19-2011 14:57 by Downey Comments (0)  


   messageicon • When dealing with women, puppy eyes will get you just about everything. Actual puppies will get you even more.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 14:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Let's not forget a Happy Father's day to all the Sugar Daddies out there.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 14:08 Comments (0)  


   messageicon @Guys - your nipples make no sense to us.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 14:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon @Guys - If we just met you and we're making out on the dance floor, chances are it wasn't your dance moves that got you this lucky.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 13:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Happy father day to the men in our lives that have made a diffrence when we didnt have one to be there.., our uncles, brothers, grandfathers teachers bosses,step dads...you didnt have to be there, but we were all grateful you were.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 13:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bulls*it before....;)
←Rate | 06-19-2011 13:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A good friend would bail you out of jail, but your best friend would be the one sitting next to you saying, "damn that was awesome".
←Rate | 06-19-2011 13:16 by RoN Comments (0)  


   messageicon Now if you'll excuse me, today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 13:15 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone prank call me, I'm bored.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 13:12 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I always wonder when somebody post "gym time" on their wall and people actually like it... does this mean people know you are fat and they "like" that you're finally doing something about it?
←Rate | 06-19-2011 13:11 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just bought some "ribbed cotton tank t-shirts" at WalMart. You'd think that'd be the one place on earth they'd call them wifebeaters.
←Rate | 06-19-2011 13:09 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)  




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