Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4761 of 6367
Every time I eat Chinese food I wear something nice, just in case I die in the same position as Elvis.
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06-19-2011 20:33 by Aaron
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My house phone is only good for calling my cellphone when I lose it.
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06-19-2011 19:13
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Happy Fathers Day, mom!!! :D
No matter what you can do, no matter how talented you are, no matter how amazing and unique that talent may be, somewhere in the world an Asian kid can do it better.
Some smartphones are actually smarter than their owners.
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06-19-2011 16:44
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Don't forget to thank the Moms too for putting up with the Fathers all along, cause without them their wouldn't be any Dads!!
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06-19-2011 16:36 by Wolf
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I opened our windows to get some fresh air in the house and now the neighbors are wondering why the whole block stinks
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06-19-2011 16:03 by Aaron
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Happy Father's Day, all! Be nice to your dad today. Remember it's because of him not pulling out in time that you're alive today!
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06-19-2011 15:57 by biggie
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Got a flannel shirt for the 9th Fathers Day in a row... Thanks honey, cant wait to see what you get me next year!
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06-19-2011 14:57 by Downey
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• When dealing with women, puppy eyes will get you just about everything. Actual puppies will get you even more.
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06-19-2011 14:08
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Let's not forget a Happy Father's day to all the Sugar Daddies out there.
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06-19-2011 14:08
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@Guys - your nipples make no sense to us.
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06-19-2011 14:00
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@Guys - If we just met you and we're making out on the dance floor, chances are it wasn't your dance moves that got you this lucky.
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06-19-2011 13:52
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Happy father day to the men in our lives that have made a diffrence when we didnt have one to be there.., our uncles, brothers, grandfathers teachers bosses,step dads...you didnt have to be there, but we were all grateful you were.
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06-19-2011 13:44
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Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bulls*it before....;)
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06-19-2011 13:17
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A good friend would bail you out of jail, but your best friend would be the one sitting next to you saying, "damn that was awesome".
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06-19-2011 13:16 by RoN
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Now if you'll excuse me, today's bad decisions aren't going to make themselves.
Someone prank call me, I'm bored.
I always wonder when somebody post "gym time" on their wall and people actually like it... does this mean people know you are fat and they "like" that you're finally doing something about it?
I just bought some "ribbed cotton tank t-shirts" at WalMart. You'd think that'd be the one place on earth they'd call them wifebeaters.