Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4761 of 6369
A woman will ask her man what hairstyle she should get next but then go on to get a different one to the one he suggested.
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03-17-2015 13:18
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shhhhhh..it's really hard to imagine you're someone else when you talk
If by "buns of Steele" you mean dented and rusty, then yes I do have buns of Steele
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05-22-2015 12:16
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Children are like snowflakes. Individually small and ineffective,,, but if we work together we can make my step dad crash his car into a tree.
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01-11-2016 20:09 by snotty
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Sometimes I prefer to use my face for emoticons.
You seem too lazy to file a restraining order. I like you.
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02-08-2016 13:55 by Czovczov
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Causing a scene runs in my family.
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02-10-2016 11:49
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Lunch 11:35 This bible verse always keeps me going....
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02-15-2016 23:16
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A new U.S. political television ad from Marco Rubio touts 'Morning in America,' but the opening skyline is unmistakably Vancouver, Canada.
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02-16-2016 05:00
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If you say "Pumpkin Spice Latte" in the mirror 3 times....a white girl in yoga pants will appear and tell you all her favorite drinks at Starbucks.
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02-17-2016 03:34
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Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let my girlfriend sleep.
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02-20-2016 16:07
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Canadians: What are these igloo-dwelling hosers who can no longer apply to be "Jeopardy!" contestants.
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02-23-2016 00:46
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I am so glad I don't hunt animals, I have no clue where gluten-free tacos live?!?!
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02-24-2016 15:34
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There should be a wrestler whose finishing move is taking the other wrestlers out for a nice steak dinner, they work hard & they deserve it
Skip Pi Day instead it's Steak and BJ Day, I like my steak medium and my blow job well done.
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03-14-2016 20:15
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I haven't lost my virginity yet cause I never lose, I'm a winner I want to win.
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03-21-2016 06:39
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People say cherry blossoms are beautiful. I see death by allergies. Achooooo!!!
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03-22-2016 14:51
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..... Attended a Reverse Ressurrection at the Cemetery today.
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03-27-2016 15:08
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I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
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03-28-2016 08:10
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And then the imaginary Easter Bunny said "put that obscene picture on Facebook. It's hilarious"... But the Easter Bunny was wrong. So very wrong. According to the HR department.
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03-29-2016 06:40
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