Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4737 of 6369
some days 25 to life just seems like it would be worth it!!!!!
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06-28-2011 21:11 by migasjoe
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Contact your local cable provider and ask them for ESPN 8 "The Ocho" If it's almost a sport, it's on "The Ocho!"
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06-28-2011 21:02
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I found a pillbug. He curled into a ball. That's how he rolls.
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06-28-2011 20:12 by GLT23
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Pet Peeve #5742....It annoys me when people text me and I respond and then all of a sudden it stops in mid-text like your stopping in mid conversation...and then I patiently wait and nothing... it drives me crazy...finish your text or dont text me at all!
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06-28-2011 19:53
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Facebook makes me nosey =)
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06-28-2011 19:52
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The TSA found what they where looking for in that 95 year old's diaper. Their brains.
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06-28-2011 19:49
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I have come to the conclusion that Google must be female, as she has the answer to everything and Yahoo is a Male , pointless and never works ..
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06-28-2011 19:46 by Danny
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▶Music♩♪♫♬ Volume: ▁ ▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ █ 100 %
hand over the casey anthony case to law and order svu...they have it solve in a hour
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06-28-2011 18:17 by status ed
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I got gas today for $2.45 to bad it was from taco bell
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06-28-2011 17:52 by BOO
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The end of every episode of "Man vs. Food" turns into "Man vs. Toilet."
Did you eat a bowl of frosted flakes this morning ? Cause you look GRRRREEAATT
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06-28-2011 17:38 by Lozo
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I'm going to start telling people I don't drink. Because I don't think a few beers once a week really counts. I'm not always a Hypocrite....but when I am.....I prefer to contradict myself with Dos Equis. Stay thirsty my friends
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06-28-2011 16:55
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"No diet will remove all the fat from your body, because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office."
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06-28-2011 16:32
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"Sorry user has too many friend requests" - every stalker's frustration!
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06-28-2011 16:05
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If a police ever stops me and says "papers" and I say "scissors" do I win?
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06-28-2011 15:37
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Law of Reverse Dynamics: When a man becomes rich, he becomes naughty When a woman becomes naughty, she becomes rich.
I'm the Jason Bourne of finding an escape route out of the bar once the lights come on and reveal the creature I've been talking to.
So you're here reading my status wasting valuable work time or just procrastinating. Don't feel so bad, I procrastinated and then wasted valuable work time writing it.
The good thing about not drinking is that I remember everything, and the bad thing about not drinking is that I remember everything.