Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Alcohol is the leading cause of me getting yelled at for being a Pterodactyl on the coffee table.
←Rate | 10-20-2014 17:51 by Bobo the Chimp Comments (0)  


   messageicon "OMG, Have you heard the news?" "Yeah, they totally carried Huey Louis"
←Rate | 06-03-2015 14:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I Love the taste of you first thing in the morning. Me *talking to my coffee
←Rate | 06-12-2015 18:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon What's yellow and has wheels?... A banana, I lied about the wheels... Next question
←Rate | 07-06-2015 17:48 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon Enjoy your last 24 hours before S̶k̶y̶n̶e̶t̶ Windows 10 ta̶k̶e̶s̶ ̶o̶v̶e̶r̶ is installed.
←Rate | 07-28-2015 01:50 by L Shepherd Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Higgs Boson walks into a church admiring the stained glass. A priest walks up and says," We don't allow your kind of particle in here." The Higgs Boson replies, " But without me, you can't have mass."
←Rate | 07-28-2015 09:11 by Intellectual Comments (0)  


   messageicon ust looked up from my phone and realized I was sitting in a restaurant that closed in 2007.
←Rate | 08-27-2015 18:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I totally get why women are attracted to men who ride motorcycles. Like you increase your chances of getting to have two husbands by a lot.
←Rate | 09-23-2015 22:58 by Zinc Comments (0)  


   messageicon NASA scientist sees me eating a corn chip I found in my shoe and cancels the program to stop an asteroid hitting the Earth
←Rate | 10-02-2015 03:37 by snotty Comments (0)  


   messageicon What if Donald Trumps Batman?
←Rate | 12-16-2015 15:31 by Joseph Robert Comments (0)  


   messageicon A poll finds Donald J. Trump is less likable as the often criticized Canadian rock band Nickelback and even less favourable than a root canal.
←Rate | 05-10-2016 22:01 Comments (0)  


   messageicon wishes the cold froze off fat rather than ass...
←Rate | 05-16-2011 02:31 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The awkward moment...When you see someone wearing a skirt that looks like it could be a belt
←Rate | 03-09-2011 01:40 by @DonSixx Comments (0)  


   messageicon People say I am so cruel, but I have the heart of a small child...in a jar on my desk...
←Rate | 03-09-2011 02:20 by @DonSixx Comments (0)  


   messageicon So today is officially the first day of Spring! Just think, only a mere 277 more days till Winter arrives again...
←Rate | 03-20-2011 12:52 by Massena43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This isn't hell. This is where you get sent when you've been bad in hell.
←Rate | 04-06-2011 06:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.
←Rate | 04-06-2011 06:23 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Doesnt it blow your mind away that 2011 is already half way over?
←Rate | 06-30-2011 07:13 by Fox Comments (0)  


   messageicon So many cool gadgets around. The iPad, iPhone, iPod, etc. It's strange though, none of the electronics stores seem to have this iCarly thing that the kids are all talking about.
←Rate | 07-04-2011 08:44 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  


   messageicon Plaxico Burress is out of jail today... Only a black man would be sent to jail for 2 years for shooting himself...
←Rate | 06-06-2011 12:37 by Bill Comments (0)  




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