Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   The fat jokes may be funny, but remember, sometimes the fatties slim up and then the jokes on you.

   All I wanted to watch on TV tonight was, "the biggest loser." Looks like he's on network!!

   I bet Clint Eastwood felt real stupid when he found out it was Manti Te'os girlfriend in that chair & not Obama.

   ......Update status, nobody likes?...... -_- (1) Deletes Facebook profile (2) Move to a next country (3) Change name (4) Start new life =)

   HA!!!!...Washington and Oregon legalize pot ...now Twinkies and Ho-Hos are out of business.. just a matter of time now before they declare a a state of emergency in those states!!!!...OMG... it's the TWINKIPOCALYPSE ... Maybe the Mayans were right!

   My favorite Transformer is the one that transforms from a hoe into a housewife.

   Facebook asks me "Whats on my mind" so I post whats on my mind. If you don't like it, you know where the unfriend and block option is

   N Korea claims it is in a "state of war" with the south. We could end this easily by turning over South Korea's most valuable asset: Gangnam Style!

   Melania confirms in CNN interview that she is very angry at Moose and Squirrel.

   States are going blue like a pad in a period commercial

   The world is just 1 Keith Richards death away from imploding

   Why is being heartless and full of hate the cool thing to do in this era?

   No one has a good time with you unless you pay them. And yes, they were laughing at you.

   Melania Trump will be the first foreign-born First Lady. Trump is correct, all the American jobs are going to immigrants!

   These people don't even know what a "Temporary" refugee means. Temporary, Temporary, Temporary. Say it with me.

   Going from Barack Obama to Donald Trump is like replacing Captain James T. Kirk with Captain High Liner.

   Oh dear god. Please get these feelings off of me.

   Black Friday: Because it's supposed to look like a riot

   We Want Top Gear Back Now

   I think there should be something in science called "the reindeer effect". I don't know what it would be, but it would be cool to hear someone say "Gentleman what we have here is a terrifying example of the reindeer effect"