Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4726 of 6367
UGLY = [U]nderstand [G]od [L]oves [Y]ou
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07-01-2011 13:19
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it did not taste like chicken at all
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07-01-2011 13:18 by gee
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I can't wait for the next Daniel Radcliffe movie, where he will play "the guy played by the kid who used to be Harry Potter in this new movie that no one will see."
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07-01-2011 12:42
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the feeling of getting an email with an attachment
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07-01-2011 12:05 by gee
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to the guy who keeps posting with such enthusiam about his wife's mum, might be better off spending time looking into your own gene pool first
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07-01-2011 12:03
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I'm watching a special on how William wooed Kate with his cooking skills. Good for him. If I was in his position, my wooing program would only consist of . . . you know I'm going to be king someday."
Watching depression medication commercials makes me depressed. I'm just glad herpes commercials don't have the same effect.
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07-01-2011 11:06 by J. BIAZA
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Dear CocaCola, McDonalds, and other massive companies, unless you have a new product for me, stop showing me commercials. I didn't forget about you. I have never stood at a vending machine and thought, what's that thing in the red can? I promise."
99 problems. 99 bottles of beer on the wall. Problems solved.
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07-01-2011 11:02 by J. BIAZA
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After I won my divorce trial I FEDexd my ex-wife's attorney a consolation prize of a broom and a witches hat.
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07-01-2011 10:36 by SEAN
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It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.
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07-01-2011 10:29 by J. BIAZA
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Can someone text me a donut?
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07-01-2011 10:26 by MTQ
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Love is never wrong...Especially when that love is between two young carefree ladies who have wandering hands and a deep curiosity for experimentation with Coprophagia, a little Cyclic vomiting syndrome and a cup...Yea that's some real love :)
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07-01-2011 09:50 by Mr Icky
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The worst kind of human contact is "eye contact through that crack in a bathroom stall when you're pulling up your pants" contact.
Stop chasing him. Stop turn around and see who's chasing you
i wish I was a white crayon , So no one could use me
Have you notice "racecar" backwards is a "racecar"
Its not called HACKED when you use a public library computer to update your Facebook and you forget to log out. Then the next person to use the computer takes the liberty to play around with your profile and wall. Its called being stupid and careless.
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07-01-2011 07:05
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You know you're getting fat when you sit in your bathtub and the water in the toilet rises.
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07-01-2011 07:00
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After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself
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07-01-2011 06:56
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