Funny Status Messages and Tweets

Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.

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   messageicon Girls: Going into detail about your period is about as attractive as a guy trying to detail the smell of his brother's scrotum.
←Rate | 07-31-2011 17:54 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some kids were dropped as a baby ... you were clearly thrown in the air, smacked by a ceiling fan, hitting the wall, and tossed out the window..
←Rate | 10-21-2010 22:01 by kelsey Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only thing scarier than Christine O'Donell is the thought her being in office and in charge of the nuclear codes.
←Rate | 11-12-2010 01:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon there a logical reason why Chelsea Clinton looks more like Janet Reno than Bill Clinton?
←Rate | 07-18-2010 21:00 Comments (0)  


   messageicon loves that you are nonodys friend until facebook tell you that you are.
←Rate | 11-10-2009 13:58 by carebare Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got my free meal from Applebee's today, it was good to see fellows Vets of all ages getting it in. Although I swear some of them old guys look like the may hay survived the war of 1812 I'm glad we enjoyed it together. Now who's pouring free DRINKS for u
←Rate | 11-11-2009 18:19 by Mr.Carter25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon saving his breath, I need it to blow up my date
←Rate | 11-30-2009 23:17 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Think about it If there where no men in the world there would be no crime, but all women would be happy, and Fat!
←Rate | 12-04-2009 10:49 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Having a baby changes the way you view your in-laws. I love it when they come to visit now. They can hold the baby and I can go out.
←Rate | 12-13-2009 17:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon just ran across the road to grab a chicken for Lunch
←Rate | 01-19-2010 06:40 by Mduduzi Gama Comments (0)  


   messageicon I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth
←Rate | 03-18-2010 15:35 by ANGELA Comments (0)  


   messageicon My girlfriend asked me, "Do You believe in love at first sight"? I said, "At the first sight of what"?
←Rate | 10-07-2010 14:15 by lemonpillow Comments (0)  


   messageicon I feel so bad for people who have $500,000,000. They can only call themselves millionaires, and yet they're still so far away from being billionaires.
←Rate | 05-07-2010 12:39 by Joser Comments (0)  


   messageicon there once was a time when these things made me chuckle... but not anymore
←Rate | 01-05-2011 22:45 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The only difference between the lead singer of Hanson and Justin Bieber is that we know Bieber is a girl!
←Rate | 01-11-2011 02:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon A Real Man Shows His Love To His Woman Daily. He Needs No Special Occasions, Holidays Or Her Birthday, He Just Spontaneously Does Things
←Rate | 06-26-2013 20:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think Miley killed Chucky Cheese and wore him to the VMA's
←Rate | 08-28-2013 23:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon guess what I found under the Christmas tree??? Floor tiles!
←Rate | 12-25-2012 13:20 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Probably just me, but the "&" sign looks like a guy rubbing his ass on the ground.
←Rate | 09-24-2012 13:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon They named it ‘cunnilingus' because “sweetly savoring slippery succulent sexiness” was too long.
←Rate | 09-27-2012 02:51 Comments (0)  




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