Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   here for you...but not now I am playing video games.

   If the game doesn't freeze every 6 minutes, then you're not watching FOX.

   Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles

   Don't hold onto anger, hurt or pain. They steal your energy and keep you from love !

   believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.

   heard that Greece won at the world cup today...given their recent debt write downs it's a good thing they didn't have to buy a goal.

   Hates it when you are waiting at a red light for a long time with zero traffic then it changes to a flashing yellow.

   With no natural predators the last hope for humanity is pinned on the Internet giving idiots just enough information to cleanse themselves from our gene-pool

   Happiness is cruising in the fast lane, maybe just a smidge over the limit, and the cop car right behind you, that you hadn't noticed, turning his overheads on. . . and immediately crossing over the median to go after some poor slob going the other way:-)

   Love,Live,Exist and be loyal. The rest is a piece of cake. You only live once so live your life right

   a nite with me is like giving a gun to a 6yr old...you don't know how its gonna end, but you know it's gonna make the papers!

   I feel like I'm beeing internet stalked

   I am fairly certain that the last thing to ever fail on my car is that god damn signal that warns me that I am not wearing my seatbelt.

   Dreams touch your heart and soul, it is a magical memory that unites fantasy and reality.....Welcome aboard to “Sweet Dreams” airline, All passengers on bed hug ur pillows, as the flight will be leaving soon to dream land. Enjoy your flight…“Good

   ...knows the difference between "should of" and "should have" since 1979!

   my voices started talking spanish and right in the middle of a sentence then changed to russian....what do you think that means? I dont understand any thing but English. I'm starting to think they are planning a War against me

   I feel like LIFESAVERS candy is overstating their importance...But just to be on the safe side I'm gonna go get some! If I'm found dead,I would like them to be sued for false advertising.

   flooding newsfeeds with youtube videos....

   best job in the world .... a pillow ,get to lay in bed all day and get head every night

   Whoever thought that climbing into a box and doing their thinking there didn't come up with the best idea...