Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4699 of 6369
I knew a girl once who though she was a tease! But she wasn't good looking enough so she was just annoying !
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05-05-2013 17:26
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Facebook: Because why not think out loud to a bunch of strangers on the internet?
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05-11-2013 18:53
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Oh Yeah??,,, Nothing useful in Skymall, eh??.. Okay, (affixes mini umbrellas to shoes)... Enjoy your wet feet
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05-12-2013 07:53 by snotty
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The best part about babysitting the grandkids..... Being able to drink on the job!!
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05-18-2013 20:29 by sully
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Your whoroscope says you're gonna get "the herpes"
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05-25-2013 07:48
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If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side in the middle of the night...
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05-28-2013 14:54 by SEAN
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Instead of wanting more, be happy with what you've got. Except you tiny p en*s guy, you should probably master oral.
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06-03-2013 14:49
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I have no tolerance for stupid people because, in most cases, stupidity is voluntary. They made a conscious decision to exist in that state.
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06-04-2013 01:14
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Leaving work for lunch.....hmmm...wait a minute....What the helll am I talking about....I dont even have a job.
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06-14-2013 12:24 by Jitney
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Let me get this straight…a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, ripping all the hair out…and still be afraid of a spider?
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06-29-2013 09:53 by griff
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I miss you. The old you. The new you sucks!
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06-30-2013 02:04
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My imaginary friend is bullying me !! (o.0)
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07-03-2013 03:37 by XBbios
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The best part of having relatives over is that feeling you get when you shut the door behind them as they leave.
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07-08-2013 09:00 by Baddie
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If Aaron Hernandez beats this murder charge, they need to put him on the cover of next year's Madden.
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07-11-2013 05:23 by Deez Nuts
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What if gravity was invented by the vacuum industry so there was always crap on the floor to clean up...... Wait!,, Just hear me out bro.
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07-27-2013 09:34 by snotty
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I'm schizophrenic. I can have an orgy just by jerking off.
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07-31-2013 12:21
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"Zyzzyva, Zyxst, Zyxt..." - Noah Webster's last words
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07-31-2013 19:33 by snotty
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If it wasn't for Google or Bing the world would be full of idiots
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08-02-2013 13:18 by LMAO
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I'm more of an Atrophy husband.
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08-05-2013 18:03 by snotty
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You'd think there'd be another way of getting down from a horse other than just sitting there until it dies.
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08-16-2013 12:58 by snotty
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