Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 4575 of 6368
I don't like when women carry guns. I always preferred a woman who liked to kill the old fashioned way. Years of subtle mental terrorism.
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05-27-2016 12:31
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I don't understand my co-workers. I am in IT, they are all Indian, and I LITERALLY cannot understand them.
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06-09-2016 19:35
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Honey I shrunk the kids' college savings,,, and bet on a pure bred horse
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09-29-2013 19:01 by snotty
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Never trust a guy who says trust me
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10-10-2013 19:13 by matome
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Those who don't know me think I'm on drugs. Those who do think I should be.
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10-15-2013 07:29
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Women don't like women that look like women you used to date.
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10-17-2013 12:56
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What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
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11-19-2013 17:09 by JMc
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Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore I was wearing one but I was still shot by the woman's husband
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06-26-2014 15:26 by Ajdo
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I hate Throwback Thursday. I already have to see your ugly face in a hundred different angles from your selfies. Now I have to see how fat and ugly you were as a kid too?!
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07-10-2014 19:33
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I just wanna be the reason your therapist can afford to buy a Mercedes
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08-13-2014 01:33 by Baddie
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If you don't have anything nice to say, I hope it's about someone I hate.
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08-13-2014 01:34
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Keep it down kids!.. Daddy is trying to think of something stupid to say on the internet.
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08-22-2014 13:18
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If you use the word “extravaganza” in a poster for your party I immediately assume it will be held in a retirement home.
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09-04-2014 02:04 by Baddie
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Are you really that attractive, or is your Selfie game just that strong?
[Status omitted by the US Secretary of Defense]
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10-10-2014 17:19 by Al Bielek
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I'm ok with how you work it. Moderate diggity, reasonable doubt.
Buffalo residents be like....Every day I'm Shovelin.....(add music here)
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11-20-2014 09:03
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Now that she hates Americans, we know she's Ariana "not so" grande...
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07-08-2015 11:05 by Niltzz
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The devil you know is better than the devil you don't. Unless the devil you know is Steve "Goat Hooves" Kapinski. That guy's the worst.
Jennifer Aniston has kept me in the Friends zone for years.
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08-11-2015 00:04
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